The Birth and the Day

A child take birth, a family get extended, happiness spreads everywhere, newly turned mother get tears in her eyes, grandparents feel on the top of the world, newly turned father feel so proud on this pro-creation, its blossom and autumn everywhere, with the birth of the child. Mother's first thought after looking on the child would be... I will love and protect this child, I will give everything to that child even if she have to die or will have to do anything for it. The first thought...But with all this course, one more thing take birth... expectation. Expectation of fulfilment of dreams, parents dreams, grandparents dreams, everyone involves. Hope and expectation are the two procreation of the same human kind, however, most of the people can't make a difference out of it. There is a very thin line of control between these two, loosely impossible to maintain, it get mixed up. Getting hopeful about a child would have been a blessing, things turns wrong when expectations take over.

No-one is exempted here... no-one is different. Set of rules had been made long back. The education one get, the knowledge one gain, the childhood one spend in the shadow of motherhood, the hidden expectations are growing. And they blast some day or the other, whenever required. There is no hope for the good, there are always expectations all around. Understanding is waiting to get its space and recognition.

With the growing child, parenthood takes its own shape according to time. Expectations makes their own faces and one get treated accordingly. The stories one child read in the books sometime, writing one, another time. When the cause of education turns into a bulky salary expectation, a child never knows of it.

One day for sure has always been given... the birthday. To spend time with friends, happiness in the family, party, gifts. That has also been taken as one year plus to the expectation. We forget the real cause, the real gift we can provide to a child. Healthy thoughts, being responsible towards family and this world, being in the search of a constant happiness, in the state of it. A birth has been a central point of expectations and a birthday is a stamp on it.

My day was never been an occasion, but just a recap of what I had done last year, before I turned one more year older. I never took any resolutions (except once) and now at this point of time, I always feel that one more year when I spend, it should always make me one year more responsible for everything. I had been told and burdened about being responsible, however, that was quite self centric. Now I feel a wider space and more things plus more cause towards what I feel more responsible.


In this unlimited space of time and universe, a birth is a hope, a ray of hope that something good is still there and we have to nurture this hope, not with the expectation, but with the understanding and responsibility towards everything, the first and the basic, towards ourselves, a good start. O child, your birth is not less then a miracle, you are such an extraordinary gift to the world, I believe you always deserved to hear these words, with hope.

One more year has been passed...
One more year has been started...
People have grown more expectations...
I see the actions and reactions on this day...
I am looking at the different faces, different relations I share with people here...
I can feel the extorted mind of mine to experience the another year of unexperienced things...

Its a birthday, the day of birth!!!

The idea should be of being hopeful about your child and not to give him/her a burden of your heavy expectations. Think about setting him free from all the fears you always had and have, set him free from all the rituals, from all the cast, creed and religion, so that in the end, s/he should be proud to be your son/daughter... nurture him/her with his/her basic nature... how s/he is now in his childhood, pure and free of all human made boundries, thought process... that I consider the best birthday gift, year after year.



Fly free and happy beyond birthdays and across forever, and we'll meet now and then when we wish, in the midst of the one celebration that never can end...


~Richard Bach



There is something in every one of you that waits and listens for the sound of the genuine in yourself. It is the only true guide you will ever have. And if you cannot hear it, you will all of your life spend your days on the ends of strings that somebody else pulls.

~Howard Thurman


One of my favorite lyrics:


Sit by my side, come as close as the air
Share in a memory of gray
Wander in my words,
dream about the pictures
That I play of changes
Green leaves of summer turn red in the fall
To brown and to yellow they fade
And then they have to die,
trapped within
The circle time parade of changes
Scenes of my young years were warm in my mind
Visions of shadows that shine
'Til one day I returned and found they were the
Victims of the vines of changes
The world's spinning madly,
it drifts in the dark
Swings through a hollow of haze
A race around the stars,
a journey through
The universe ablaze with changes
Moments of magic will glow in the night
All fears of the forest are gone
But when the morning breaks they're swept away by
Golden drops of dawn, of changes
Passions will part to a strange melody
As fires will sometimes burn cold
Like petals in the wind, we're puppets to the silver
Strings of souls, of changes
Your tears will be trembling, now we're somewhere else
One last cup of wine we will pour
And I'll kiss you one more time,
and leave you onThe rolling river shores of changes
So sit by my side, come as close as the air
Share in a memory of gray
Wander in my words, dream about the pictures
That I play of changes

**Written on 7th Oct, posted on 8th.

God Bless!!!

Relation...

Its about every single person who met you in your journey of life. This word not only includes father, mother, brother, sister, cousine and all thousands of relatives, but also includes what an abstraction belonging you sense for anyone who is in your life. Friends, colegues, knowns, unknowns, strangers, closely knit bond with anyone... you share a relation to anyone and everyone. One is relative not only to the family, but to this world in one way of another. I had a very strange feeling at one point of time, when I was going through a mental crisis night, that how I am saying one is relative to me, and in what sense. And the answer I ended up with was, everything is relative. It start with "me"/"I", that is self, and it got unbounded to the universe. The starting point is "I". If "I" is disconnected, somewhere, one will not be able to relate himself/herself with anyone, including family, parents. Finding self, connecting with "I" is so important so that nothing can be defined without it. Its a relation you share with yourself, your thoughts about yourself, how you link you and yourself is very important stating point for any journey.

In our environment, relation can be defined very easily, very normally. Father, mother, blood relations, how someone get maternal relative, how someone get paternal relative, its not any science. Science and study is, how many can't find any relation taken for granted? Almost all... in any or every sense, what a relation means in a society has been taken for granted. If she is my daughter, she will do this anyways, reasonbeing, she is "my" daughter. "My" kills. "My" is the utter most wrong relation, "I" is important.

Where you stand, what you do, where you are... when a sense of "my" thing comes, questions falls like a storm. When I think of "I" relationship first, its like a spring, I feel no complication in anything, it blossom love all over. Finding anything is very simple, relatives are very normal things, defining relation is very small here... "Someone in the same family; someone connected by blood"... Are we not a family as a whole? For and of this existence? In this space? For this very moment?

I was in a queue today for some work and when it was my turn, the clerk seen my name and smiled. He said my last name and said "Ohh... so you are Mr. *****"? I said yes, I am. He replied, very good, its great. I asked him what is great in this? He was very disappointed by my answer and got pissed off. Then he told me that he was of the same surname. I told him one thing... If this is how you think you relate to me, "being a common surname", I am feeling pity for me and you... I wish if you could have related me with you and the whole queue with the simplest relation we all have and we share, i.e. a relation of a human to human, this place and the world would have been a much better and beautiful place. (Mine and someone's personal thoughts... no hard feelings)

The another thing I noticed was a parent-child relationship. "If you are doing this, you are not my daughter/son". Taken for granted kills. If this is kind of loan on me to be someone's child, I better choose not to pay that, but alas, in this 21st century also, people are still slaves of these kind of relationships, they have to be, sometimes, there is no other way. Its completely a lack and disconnect of oneself with "I", parents also, children too. Its a different topic altogether to discuss.

Relation, in my sense, is a very simple and cosmic thing. Its inconceivably extended in space and time. It can't be just a family and blood thing. Its with everyone and everywhere. Its with all in the journey of finding Self, and to relate oneself to one, in the form of father, mother, relatives, friends, to the world. Why to give a small definition to the word "relation"? Its simple... "How I can relate myself to you...?". How I can associate myself with you...? Not just because of any pressure, but from my innermost soul, how and in what form I have to accept you? That's being making a reference, a talk. Not just defined things, but beyond that. Not just because one's father gave all the things one needed, but how actually he defined a relation with you. What he added into one, what he subtracted from one, what a thought process he developed inside one, and that what defines how he will be able and how one will be able to get relate with.

I am in between so many theories and thoughts, books and philosophies, write-ups and discussions... trying to define a relation!!!

Will write back soon on this... I want to...


"The only reason we don't open our hearts and minds to other people is that they trigger confusion in us that we don't feel brave enough or sane enough to deal with. To the degree that we look clearly and compassionately at ourselves, we feel confident and fearless about looking into someone else's eyes." - Pema Chodron


God Bless...

And the life continues....

Mom: So... what's going on? What is in your mind?

Son: Nothing mom... What it is about?

Mom: Don't try to fool us... You know it is about your marriage...

Son: Oh, com'on mom... You have given birth to me... you know I don't want that...

Mom: But why...? And don't give me any of your most like reasons... "I can't do..."... "I don't know..." Its enough... enough of sufferings for all of us... either do it or leave us...

Son: How I can leave you...? How you can think like that...?

Mom: So do it... what is stopping you...? Give the reasons...

Son: Mom, The only reason I can give you is that I can't do it... You know me.. I just can't do... It will be a sin for me... with my soul

Mom: Sin...? What the hell is this now..? Have you done something wrong...?

Son: No mom.. I can't do anything wrong with anyone... that is how I am...

Mom: So tell me what it is all about... and be honest...

Son: Mom, it is right that as of now, I don't have anyone to look forward... there is no-one waiting for me... there is nothing I have done wrong with anyone... I just can't do it... I can't accept and think of any person if it comes to spend rest of my life with...

Mom: (Screamed) I have enough of this nonsense and movie dialogues... I need to know the reason... or if there is someone, tell me and I will try to do something about it...

Son: Mom... I swear on you... I am just all alone... I just can't be with anyone else... I am useless for anyone...

Mom: Stop all this nonsense and try to be sensible... Give me a reason why you can't do it, or if you have someone, why you are not able to tell me...

Son: Is everything you can say and explain in life? Can you explain God, air...? Can you explain everything in your life...?

Mom: Don't try to play with me... Tell me the truth...

Son: I never being this much honest in my life... I want to say... that I can't be with anyone else, and I can't tell you more than this, because I have nothing...

Mom: So what you are trying to do...? Kill all of us...? I know you are a cheater since your birth... you are the most dishonest person... to me, to your dad, to everyone... you are a born lier...

Son: Stop all this... why are you saying all this to me? I never do that mom... I never cheat anyone... Why I have to do this with you? I have no reason...

Mom: No, you have your reasons... you are too selfish and self centered to think about anyone else...

Son: So is it wrong to think about myself?

Mom: I don't want any argument with you, I know you will win anyways... I want the fact...

Son: Mom... the fact is... I can't cheat myself... I can't be a machine so that I can choose anyone in my life out of your choices and I spend my whole life like that... Trust me... I am being myself... I want to be honest and don't want to lie you... I just don't want any partner in this journey...

Mom: Okay... So we both, me and your dad, will be leaving tomorrow, or better today... and you will be free to do whatever you want to do...

Son: This is pathetic... why you have to do so? I should be the one who will be saying this to you... as you think I am wrong, I should be leaving the house...

Dad: Yes... you pathetic piece of shit... you should be leaving the house... why we should pay for your doings and your will. But in the end, whatever you will be doing, we will be the sufferrer... as the people, the society will say that he was their son... you have no identity, nobody who know you... we are your identity in this society... So, we will be the ultimate sufferer... do whatever you want to do... but then don't come to our graves... don't even show your face to us...

Mom: You please calm down.. let me talk to him...

Son: Why it is becoming a life deal for both of you if I don't want to do this...? What right you are giving to me about my life...? The decision should be mine... why you are making me so helpless and in this dilemma? Why you are threatening me like this rather then getting me, my point?

Dad: Because you have no point at all... your life is useless, you are a cheater, dishonest and untrustable person... You have no direction in your life... You are telling us to believe your belief... the belief for which you even can't provide a reason...

Son: I have no reason, that is right dad... but I have a belief in something which has a reason... and its not unreasonable... I know that... You are not believing me at this point... but I know, sometime, when you will be alone, when you will be talking to yourself... all of my these illogical reasons will turn logical to you... when you will be thinking about me as a person... a person who believed in something and how you broke his faith due to your unnecessary pressures... how due to your own selfishness and fear of your fake pride in the society, you made your own son to suffer like this... What all I am asking? I am asking to be alone... its not a deal for your life and death...

Dad: Enough of your lectures... Tell me what do you want...

Son: If you can't be a dad, atleast be a human... still you are asking what I want...?

Dad: (to mom) ... See... this is we have to get when we give the quality education to our children... This is the return... It was your plan to let him free and enjoy his life... and now, see what we have to get through...

Mom: Son... what is the issue...? Why you just can't listen to us now a days...?

Son: Mom... you gave me birth.. I know your innersole is telling you that you should set me free out of all this... atleast you understand me...

Mom: I understand you... but I can't stand against your dad...

Dad: (to mom) Ohh... so now you also turned like him... "You understand him...". What are you understandings...? Let me also get it...

Mom: That I don't know... I only know that I have to be with you... either way...

Son: I know mom... I know you too have been wrap up in these fake relationships and unknown boundaries... Actually I don't blame any one of you... Its my curse to be here...

Dad: You listening..? (to mom)... How big he has turned...? Why don't you leave all of us and turn to a saint giving lectures how parents should be like? You are at that stage of your life where you think you are only the right person... and we all are fools.. who gave you birth, who made you educated... who made you what you are today now...

Son: Yes dad, this is my only curse... to be like that... to be honest and not to have guts to leave you people... because I have to take care of you, like you did for me...

Dad: Ohh... please.. no need to do that sir... let us leave at our own... let the destiny decide something for us.. don't try to be our caretaker.. we can do that...

Son: Now I can say that you don't understand anything at all what I am talking about...

Dad: You coward.. you don't have guts to leave... that is the fact...

Son: Yes... that is the fact dad.. I don't have guts to do that... I am a coward.... you are right... and you know what? I am like this because I care about you... and the only thing which is missing is... just understand me... listen to me...

Dad: I am leaving home right away... I can't be in this house anymore...

Son: Why you have to leave dad? It should be me... As per you... I am a shameless creature, dishonest and a lier... so what right I have to be in this house? I don't want you people to suffer because of me... I just can't do that...But the irony is... you will anyway suffer even if I will leave you... I know that... You are ready to suffer, but not to understand me... You are ready to giveup on me, rather to listen to me...

Dad: (Screamed) Yes!!! I am ready to suffer.. I will think that I had no son... Or he is dead!!!

Son: That is your problem... you are ready to accept that I am dead, rather then accept me as a living being... for your own reasons...

Dad: Enough... just go out of my sight...

Son: One day will come dad, when you will be questioning yourself... "What was the need to do all that... with my own son?" And I know you will have no answer for that... I will do whatever you want me to do...

Dad: I want nothing from you... I know you will not be happy..

Son: That is a relation... you know I will not be happy.. but you have to force me to do so...

Dad: You lier... I don't want to force you to do anything... I want you to either be happy with us, with all the decisions we are making for you, or just leave us...

Son: I can only guarantee one thing... I can't leave you like this... about hapiness, I can't commit to be happy with whatsoever decisions you will be making for me... you are not responsible for my sufferings or my happiness... Its very much my own decisions to be happy or not to be...

Dad: See... we can't win over him.. get out... or I will leave...

Son: Fine dad... you need not to leave... I am leaving.. I tried my best... if possible, please forgive me for all the pain I have given to you...

Mom: Son... there is no reason for me to see all this... (fainted)

Son: Mom.. wake up... please.. for God sake...

Dad: You idiot... leave her... this is all because of you...

Son: See dad... can you see that...? I think you got your reasons why I just can't leave... You are right... I am a coward... I have no guts to do that... you are my dad... you got it right...

Silence... till mom got conscious... and the life continued...


God Bless!!! If there some waiting... :)

Deep down

Deep down...

Don't take this topic otherwise... its not what "Deep down" you are thinking of... don't try your mind...

Mind and Heart...

The mind which tells you about the right and wrong...

The heart which tells you about to do the thing or not to do the thing...
And this is not a relative theory...

There is a difference between right and wrong and the things between do it and don't do it...
Right and wrongs are social things... do it and don't do it is a natural...
Mind is social, heart is natural... the creation of nature... what we are...

Deep down, everyone know what to do and what's not...
but when the mind disturb, it turns right and wrong...
Pressure works, warning works to make the right and wrong...
Social pressure, peer pressure... being "competitive" things... "being with the time..." things...

Deep down is a very simple thing... its not complicated... we make it complicated... its always "we"...who "make" the things... while it is not...
We want to be happy... we want to b good... we want to be famous... we want to look good...

It has been always "we"... since ages...
But when it comes to real "we".. we failed... overtime we fail ourselves...
We know how it is... we know how it should be... but we just can't do it... we just can't make it happen... because of "something"...
That "something" kills us being "us"...
But have we thought of quote... "We always have a choice...?"
No... it turns philosophical for us when we have to take the "real" action on this choice...

It fails... it failed since ages...
Then we think... this is how it is...
we turn busy... buzyness turns into habit.,.. habit makes us living... living makes us happy...
It turns relative then...
Relative and related... which we never wanted to...

Then when we sit someday... the day with ourself... the long day alone at a riverside... then we remember... what was it and what it is now...
That what and how it should be and what it turned... Deep down...
Buzyness is a bless... people don't realize, but it is...

However, for some, there is no buzyness... never find buzy when it comes to life, to the real... like according, only fools and naves can be too buzy...
People want freedom, freedom from being in a "conservative" setup...
Deep doen they know its not being "conservative" but its "deep"... soething they can't understand...
Being busy, they miss deep...

Just don't want to confuse myself more... hanging up...

Think... deep down... its very simple... to understand, to implement...

God Bless...

Granny's day out...

Every place has some special bazar... Sunday Bazar, Monday Market, Thursday bazar... Locals always look forward to that day because of their assumption and excitement about getting vegetables and fruits dirt cheap in comparison to the other market days... People want to fill their stores for rest of the week... At my place, the famous day is Saturday when people go mad about purchasing those stuff... it’s an excitement not only in the 3 years old children like my sweet little vampire cousin (yes... she eat a lot of head... she like to suck the blood by talking-talking and talking....), but also for 70 years old people like my chopper granny (chopper coz she always roam around into the house and in the garden...anyone can find her at any corner of our place without a delay of second...).

It was a tough day for me today... I was in a very bad mood because of some obvious reasons (one of the reason was to be at home on a weekend... whole day) and as soon as I picked the keys of my iron woman... (This is my car name as every part of it makes noise apart from its horn... apart from its horn, everything honks), my granny's coarse voice crossed my ears... Oye... listen... where are you going...? Take me to Shaani bazar today... I am tired and can't walk much... I was freezed, my mind stopped working and it was like thousands of red ants got into my head. I didn't deserve this... atleast not now man... I thought...

I picked up my two wheeler keys and she sat at the back side with her two favourite bags of “Pataka Beedi”... she got it as a gift from some shopkeeper long back... Like a co-pilot of a jet, she given me some instructions how to drive and all... and also informed me about the bad weather today... Ohh com'on... I also have 5 senses granny... I murmured... Not more than we covered 100 meters, and I got a compliment on my driving... "tuje aajtak gaadi chalani nhi aayi..." (Like she had won many F1 races in her days...). And yes, for her, every damn vehicle is a "gaadi"... even bicycle... Granny, its not my driving, but the bad road yaa... spare me please... I begged her not to say anything and keep quite...

As soon as I stopped in front of the bazar's main entrance, she jumped and ran into the market without delay... I though... is she the same woman who was tired like anything sometime before...? This is actually an outing for her... Shani bazar... she never missed this as she always gets a chance to meet her friends there... (few more old ladies who always have been cursed with bad daughter-in-laws... the K factor... God... "Kahani ghaar-ghaar ki...") and she also get a chance to have her special "tikki-chaat" there which is not at all allowed for her according to doc... (she missed this today as I was here with her... and special tikki-chaat because she always ask for extra toppings of green chilli chatni and more spicy masala on top of her chaat... tikki-wala use to do so for her without asking, many people knows her in this shaani-bazar... huh!!!). And yes... she never miss her sutta with her old-lady gang... she think that no-body knows about this at my home, but the fact is reverse...
I was in a real hurry as I didn't had enough time to discuss about how my granny's friends "bahus and sons" are doing and treating them... I asked my granny what else to purchase so that I can go to some other shopkeeper and we can wrap up this stuff quickly....(granny, who was busy in negotiations with a mango guy... she was busy like a real business tycoon who wants to close a billion dollar deal...). She told me that only potatoes are left to purchase... but you don't go anywhere, I will purchase everything... (OMG... My sweet little old angel.. gimme some opportunity to close this off soon... but no... as she owes this shani bazar...). Anyways I didn't listen to her and took some potatoes from some stall... and that turned one of my biggest mistakes for the day... She asked me all about the rate, the quantity, the quality and thousand other non-numeric and numeric questions about my potato deal... Then she given me a guilt that I had made a very bad deal as she knows the other guy who gives her a good deal always.. as she use to take the onions plus potatoes plus blah blah blah from him only... Save me God... let her know that time is more precious than potatoes... I murmured again...

Anyways I made her close all this very soon and the time I asked her to hop-on again on the vehicle... she gave me a very ugly expression... I knew the reason... She didn't have enough time to talk to her friends, she is going to miss her special tikki-chaat, she can't have a fag today... so many problems in life just because she called me with her... She might be thinking not to call me from next time... good for me ... I thought... She tried to make some excuses ... "you go with the bag as you are running late, I will come by walk, I need to purchase something else too..." No Ms Granny, I am not going to let you enjoy your outing today... I know what you are going to do if I will leave you here... I murmured... and I asked her to come with me as the road is not so good due to the rain and all... She given me a very scary look, as her tikki-chaat was my face and she is going to eat it anytime soon if I will not go from here... But I was also in a state of revenge, so I forced her to come with me only... She turned sad and came back with me only... I didn't liked this from the core of my heart... so when I was on my way back to home after I finished some of my task, late evening, I brought her tikki-chaat with the extra toppings and all... she turned happy again, like a dehydrated man got some water to live and survive...

Before I entered in my room late night, I crossed her room to see her face again... she was sleeping in peace after her heavy spicy dose... I thanked her to give me company today... for some time... thanked her for some good time she offered me today... to forget about the other worries of life for some time atleast...

God bless...

A talk with a beggar

hey listen...
Yes...
Do you have a cigarette in spare?
Yes sure... have it...
Thanks a lot bro... do you have lights?
Yes sure... why not...
***Lighting up the cigarette...***
May God bless you man...
Not a problem bro... he replied...
Thanks man... Very few people are like you now a days...
Really? What's the deal? I just given you a cigarette... that's it... It's not more important than a human being... is it?
Oh man... You are really a gem... I never met a person who not only said this, but I can see, you can understand and mean it as well...


Ohh com'on... there are lot of people you can find like me... its just a matter what you ask from whom... he replied...
No... please don't tell me his... how you can say that? the beggar replied...
Yes man... there are lots of people who understand the relationship between a human being to a human being...he replied...



He also wanted someone to talk to someone... since months he talked to anyone about life... it was work and a girl only who was running into his nerves all the time... he wanted to get rid of it... he wanted to be distracted... detached...


He continued... it is just a matter of what one like and what not... I mean its just a matter of one's personal choice on what grounds one want to help someone... Someone like smoking, some people don't... some like pets, some don't...


I don't agree... he got a reply... thats what he wanted... a reply... someone to talk to him on the things what he wanted to talk about...


The beggar continued...
I don't agree because help means help... you need not to help someone on the basis of what you like or what you don't... help means help... it can be anything... if I asked for a cigarette and if you also smoke, its fine for you to offer me a cigarette, but if you don't smoke and if I know that, I would have asked you for some money which eventually I would have been spending to buy some cigrett... so you are the one who got me wrong...


Yes man, you are right... help now means what one like and not what the other person want... its not your need but the other's choice... which is wrong...


Many things are wrong buddy... wrong is to be with some one else if you don't want to be... the begger whispered in his ears...

Holy shit... what the topic this beggar brought in here... he wanted to make a move but he didn't... something stopped him there right at the moment...

Hey... what happened...? You lost somewhere... the beggar asked...

No... I am already lost... I can't be lost anymore than this... he replied... The thing is... People always find there way around to get out of any situation... to get distracted... to feel detached... but when they move back and think of what they have committed, they only left with regret... or may be not... may be they turned too busy and just smile on the past... or after they realize their mistake, they turned like a fake happy-go-luck person who get no-one to share that fake hapiness... and whenever they get a chance to sit alone and think about it... they always feel about that single moment when they committed that mistake... they always live their life with the same pain hidden inside them which a tree feels whenever his branches cutting down... people enjoy the moments whenever they turn busy... they put comments on life "I am content... I am enjoying whatever I got..."... but there is always a joke lives within inside them which life has made on them... People are talking about enjoying the moments... forget the past and live in the present... I say... we always live in our past... because that's what we lived... that's what you call a part of our's... and if something is a part of our's, how we can cut it down at any point? You are making love to someone who don't meant it... you are making noises like you are enjoying it while doing it... you are kissing someone knowing that it doesn't belong to that person... how you can do it...?


It was hard for him to stand so long... it was the whisky running on over his mind... and someone's picture which was making him tough to stand at all... He was about to slip on the road but luckiley the beggar hold him and made him sit on the bench...


The beggar's turn...

You know man... I was one of the most richest person in my society... the day I realized that all this didn't meant to me... whatever I was owing.. the house, the money, the lavish lifestyle, more than 10 cars... I left all that... That was the moment of my lifetime... I left everything which was not giving me a feeling of mine... ownself... I donate everything and turned like this... living a life on other's mercy... and I don't regret it... I don't regret a bit of it... because I know, whatever I thought was mine, it created a fake identity of myself around people... I realized that people are not actually liking me because of "me", but they were prone to what I got, money... I left everything...

He continued...

I thought about everything before I committed this... before I turned like asking for a cigarette from someone... and I was not able to do anything about it before I realized it... I was attached to nothing... Thinking is objective, and detached. Feeling is subjective, and attached... attached to yourself... I tried first to distract myself, but that didn't helped... then I found that the lack of interest in the object of attention will not work... I have to be detached... not distract... distraction will give you the momentary relief... detached is something gonna work for lifetime...
He asked ... So you are saying get detached whom you wanted to be... even you loved?

Beggar...

No... if you will feel detached to those at any point of time, then you didn't loved them anytime... What I meant is to accept and respect their decision... and believe me... they will realize and will regret at each second of their life... even if they show they are too "busy" making love to someone else... even they think they are "saint to handle that" because of all the excuses which made them to took that decision... may be they can justify themselves, but if you are right at your place, nothing can change this... and they will and live with the regret only... showing off to the world can't work with ownself... trust this...

By the time these talks were going on, the cigrett packet was over... he had to get up and buy a new packet... after all... this is what he wanted... to talk... to understand how it feels to be detached... how it has to happen... how to invoke it in his blood... he wanted to get over something which was killing him from inside... he almost ran to a nearby shop and purchased a cigarette packet...

So you are saying that being detached and being more involved are kind of same situation...? He asked...

By this time, the unlimited whisky he had before coming out of his room was making a huge noise in his head... picture of being with someone in the past took all his attention... but he was alive enough to listen to the beggar...

The beggar replied...

My son, being detached is more to do with someone else, being more involved is to do with yourself... If at any point of time, you are feeling detached, it means that thing or person was never a part of your's... it was not him/her running inside you... if you are feeling that way, then what is the logic at all to think about those...? It means you are hurting yourself for nothing... If the people who really matter for you, those would have not let you get in this situation...

Ohh com'on... sometimes situation may bound you to take some decision which you never want to take... which you want to avoid at any cost but in the end you have to take... he tried to justify "someone" to that beggar...

By the time begger started giving him reply on this, he was slept there on the bench... his eyes were closed, his legs were folded onto that small bench where only two people can sit... the beggar took his head on his lap, the beggar took his overcoat and put that on him so that he should not have caught up with the cold... the beggar was singing one of his favorite song... "buy me a rose... call me from work..." which made him to got into a deep sleep after a long time... after ages... the deep sleep without any nightmares...


Beggar's reply...


When he woke up from the bench, there were two notes from the beggar, written on a dirty paper with the ashes of winded up cigarettes... one was a quote... one was a poem...

"To be alone in the only real revolution. To accept that you are alone is the greatest transformation that can happen to you. I realized sometimes later in my life that I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending their lives doing things they detest, to make money they don't want, to buy things they don't need, to impress people they dislike and to get married to someone by calling it as a "situation" which I never wanted... but I had to enjoy it because of my own quotations and excuses I created for myself... and when I realized all this... I quit!!!"

"My own way…
No where to move
No road so smooth
But I know my destination
And I have to move on
No matter what
Life brings about
It’s my crust that keeps me alive
All alone but no fear
May be somewhere I find you around
Its getting dark
And im still on my way
Shameless creatures
That’s all I can see now..."

He woke up from the bench with a heavy headache... tried to figured out some disprine in his pocket which he didn't got... but the words he got from the rich beggar were more then heavy from his headache... He carried away that with himself... something he mummer within himself for someone... "Its a shame idea to live life for someone else you damn... because in the end... what matters is... what life you wanted to life and how you wanted to live... and now see yourself what you got because of your's "unwanted", so called situations... Nothing you are going to take with yourself... its just you and your regrets... look at you!!! But still... I am not angry... because you are a part of me... enjoy... the more and the most you can... make love... make noises... as the beggar said... feel detached... its your destiny... it's someone's alibi... that's what I am doing for you..."


The beggar reminds him... "some spaces are as important as fillings... some detachments are more important than the attachments... its a part of you... you can't live without it... you can't get rid of it... its you, yourself... in the end... standing alone... get nothing... like a beggar, but not rich..."

He again started looking for the cigarette shop... nothing was opened by that time... he has to wait...

God Bless...

Broken In All the Right Places

Why people pretend to like all the way how you are and then don't like you at all? I mean why not at the first place they say it loud and clear that I don't like you at all boss? By heart I know the people who don't want to see my face... they don't like it... my face, my looks... its horrible for them, to see, to digest what I am...

Yesterday I heard something about myself while crossing the corridor... "This guy got a lot of attitude problems"... Who told those people to come and talk to me...? And why the hell someone wrote that fancy quote "Attitude is everything...". I mean just a break please, at first place you have to talk to me, at second point, you don't wanna see my face... Where is that pill to become a hollow-man? "I don't care will not work boss...", then what will work with you man? If you gotta problem, you need to solve it, not me... I am not commenting and judging someone... then why this favor of judgement has to be passed upon me? I am like this because you are looking at me like that... simple.

There are people who are not saying anything about me, even they know me or they don't know me... its fair... pretty clear... The people whom I should care and talk about are gone... I give a damn to others... Why then others are not giving damn to me? Why only talks and that also not in front?

Why so angry, you young man... he asked...
I replied, its not me, its the other side of me...
Why this other side of yours, it is you for certain... he again tried to confuse me...
I had take a roll...because situations made me to that sir... I again replied...

Oh... again, that bloody shit you are talking.. every second person talk about the tragedies they had or are going through...
So I am not everyone sir... I got my own problems... why you are and who you are to talk to me about all this...?

Hey... look into my eyes... he said...
I didn't looked up...
Okay, you can't look at me, you don't want to see me the same way people don't want to see you?
Man... leave me alone... I care a shit about people...
That's what I am telling you to do... why you are bothered if you don't care about people?
I don't know... I have to... I don't know why it is.. but that's the way how it is...

Door bangs...

Hello sir... I am security person... your neighbor who is a guest just in your adjacent room called the reception...
They complaint about the loud voices, the TV noise... they are not able to sleep...
I request you to please talk a little slow... its 2:30 AM... people are sleeping sir...
Hey, I am paying here... I am not here because I beg and got some place to live... I replied...
I understand sir... but the same way other people are also like you... they took the service of the hotel not for free...

Can I talk to the other person who is with you in the room? I think you are not well sir...
Other person? Who other person? I am alone in this room...
You are alone? Then from where those loud voices are coming...? Sir, please call the other person...
Are you mad? I live here... I know who is inside with me and there is no-one... Mr. security guard...
Okay sir... I understand... all I want you to do is please have some patience... get some rest...
Okay.. I will try...And hey, security... listen.. I am sorry for my rudeness...
No problem sir... I understand... I just want to say that I am doing my job sir... hope you will be fine... goodnight...
I am fine... what do you mean hope I will be fine...?
Goodnight sir...
Okay... Goodnight

What the mess...

So you came back haan... got enough from the security guard?
Hey man.. just go... leave me alone... and were we really talking so loud?
You talk loud when you know you can't do anything... you try to realse something which you can't hold... you not even can't look at me...
You are scary... my face... I can't look at you...
So that's all the other people are saying... you are saying on my face... people are saying this at your back... how does it matter...? The same way the guard told you... he is doing his job... all the same... people are doing their own job... you are doing your own job... everyone is assigned... why you should care...?

Yes, I looked at the mirror... you are right... I/we/nobody should not care... that's the way it was designed actually... we manipulated it... we made it the other way...

Standing on the other side of the wall...
I see your face and that was all...

Blue moon, you saw me standing alone
Without a dream in my heart, without a love of my own
Blue moon, you knew just what I was there for
You heard me saying a prayer for someone
I really could care for

Goodbye... I said...

God Bless...

Noticing phenomena to make yourself happy

Ever wondered about the people who are taking care of you? I just got surprised when I looked around me...No noticing the things was working for me until the time I woke up...Noticing the things, knowing the connections started bothering me...

But its was the initial phase...I am living it now and then... and enjoying it... smiling without any fear...Without any fear if someone is making a laugh on me...Without a fear of being a topic of someones gossip...

Noticing the things, linking yourself to that... and smiling on it... this is simple and good...I wonder why the ferry man bothers about me...He is a south African ethnic person... probably in his 50's...
Everyday before I enter into the ferry, he tells me to watch my steps...because there is always a gap between the ferry base and the stand from where we on board...
I always smile at him and say thanks...I will ask him someday... apart from his salary, what he get to say this.... I know he do this for other people also, but everyone is everyone and no one is everyone... ;)...

I wonder everyday why one security boy say thanks to me when I show him my access... why he smile and say thanks...He could have let me go like he is doing for some other person..But he always smiles and say thanks to me... Yes, it may be a part of his training, but eventually he is doing without any miss... I bound to reply with a welcome and a smile...

I want to understand why a lady cleaner of age around 60 years always look at me at sharp 5:30 PM and smile..Why she is always bothered when I will leave from the office...She can do and she always do her cleaning work when I am there... why she is bothered about when I will push off...

I wonder why the ferry assistant (he is different from the one I talked about earlier) don't tell me the destination when I on board into the ferry way back to home... I noticed that he tell everyone where the way back ferry is going...

One another security person... I find him always bothered about how I am doing...Even the "How I am doing" is far away from his sixth sense and seventh sky.. he ask whenever he see me...

The ferry ticket distributor... how I can forget her in all this conversation...? An old lady... (not too much... and she is pretty also... I could have met her 20-25 years back... :)) she know what is my destination and what ticket I have to buy...Regardless of knowing this... she always ask me what ticket she has to give me... and when I tell her the destination, she always reply... "I know..."

Another coffee shop family...Mom, boy and girl, anyone of them takes the order OR makes the coffee, but everyone knows that I place what order... (The cheapest one...)... I mean many people go for the cheap coffee... even who are making good money... but the point is the cheap one is the best one...The complete family know what I want to order... and what I will...

The simplest thing is, how you take all these things... Some people takes all this and notice all around the day... You will not get it if u don't want to... But you can find yourself surrounded by these small things anytime and everywhere when you think of it...It exist everywhere... with everyone...That's how it is...

Try to change the things a bit acordingly... figure out something and something in everything...

Good catch... good news... Happy noticing you (I mean I) a fool man...

God Bless...

this is it...

I know u r buzy ppl... I know u don't hv time to send emails (except KS)...

However, u cn update me abt wotz gng on friends...

I am missing u a lot here... coz smtimes I run short of money n thr is no japani to gv me sm cash... ;)

smtimes I remeber KS for his jokes (worth it!!! U don't get anything out of his jokes, but y 2 break his heart...)

Sometimes I remember Nandy for his golis he had given to us jus bcoz of gaonwali n 1 grl frm his Jaipur country...

Sometimes I miss Raju terribely for his terrible humor, atleast he make us laugh (but trust me, he is pathetic... he can make your life hell if you let him do... hehehe)...

Sometimes I miss nightriders (and the all bad servents there...) for our hapiness...

Sometimes I miss the place we worked all together... for all my good time... (I mean it!!! we never know where we are spending our precious moments and a part of our life untill we loose it...

I had a very good time with all of you friends...and hope to take it forward... except the people who don't mind this (and I know them... :)... I know whom to call friends... :))

Raka... miss u for all the fights we had...missing your home buddy... missing ur kid... and d moments I spend with him... :)(I can't say I am missing your wife.. I know what will come out of you... ;))...

Everything is worth missing it...You guys are lovely... (except Nandy... he is bigger than that in size... ;))N I just want to say... Enjoy... till it last (this is the line of control)...

FU** the rules, give a shit ...Don't try to b anyone's favourite... b ur favourate like 'jab v met...' ahhh I don't like bebo's lil sis, bt wot 2 do... Don't try to b close to sm1 bcoz u need to b visible somewhere... (Jeetu/Nandy... how are u doing?)

N 1 second-last thing... to you all...We are going on a trip in April... for sure... (except the nepali's immigrants who have turned Singaporia's...)We rock... make no grudes in between us... jus b'coz of Gulabo, Gaonwali(I hope Jeetu is paying attention!!!), the girl like mamboo tree (I hope Nandy is paying attention!!!)... but wotever happens... eithee we are going for a trip in April or I will go alone withe pasting all your foto's in my car...

n 1 last thing... From Breavheart... one of my fav movie...

Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow it...

Do watch these videos when you have time... second one is my fav tune...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5O0B3A5CCc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDEQjGIleKg

Dual

Is this something which I am only thinking or is this real? Need a reassurance and confirmation here... from me... myself...

I always thought of keeping life straight, simple and fake. Straight in terms of relationships, goals and what I want to achieve, Simple in terms of thought process and keeping all relative things plane, Fake in terms of what all is coming and going in my mind and what I am planning to write down here. Yes, I am no more afraid of this fake which is deep inside me since my birth, I was never actually affraid of accepting this fake side of mine, but there was no time to publish this so broadly. I am using this word fake because I am not comfortable much with 'dual' or 'manipulative’ and because that I am not. Fake is very soothing and suitable for me. Fake is making people disappointed, but disappointment is nothing more than a psychological term. If you can make yourself convinced with something, it hardly matters what other people think of that.

So I was on being fake. Fake in the sense to fulfil myself, my dreams, my things, which always roam around in my mind and nobody have an idea, even my best pal, of that. Fake because I want to roam around, fake because I want to live this present, fake because I have nothing to do with a certain thought process which being injected in our mind since childhood. Fake because I wanted to live like a quote "I am an endless dream... I didn't asked to take a birth, I will not ask for a death... I am and will remain an endless dream for myself, for all...".

What I all mean to say is... being fake is nothing to do with a guilt, a regret, a suppression at all. You wanted to be like that at some point of time, you did that, you enjoyed that, so that is fine. You should regret to something which you wanted and didn't happened at all, rather than what happend which you wished to have happened. Anyways, so being fake for something, but at the same point of time, being yourself and honest to yourself, is not wrong at all. Atleast you should not parameterize yoursef being right or wrong. You should think, if you are being yourself or not, and not if you are right or wrong. You may have your own reasons of being right and wrong on which you can provide reasons to yourself, so that hardly matters. For someone like me, you always have a choice, and you always make a right choice, and you always have reasons for yourself to be at a right position. So, no need to worry about that.

Back to being fake, back to being lie to the rest of the people who matters, like your family etc..., its on one part of yours, second part is what you are. So its the density of what matters is, you or your second part, you or what you have been made or designed? I am out now... something to think upon...

Once again... being fake, being a lier, having a dual life is not important at all, atleast not a matter of guilt, regret... What matters is... how honest you are with yourself... So many lines to write, so many thoughts to share... but I always find myself run out of my mind, out of time...

God Bless... :)

Define it!!!

Below is just an extract of what I learned and wrote back to someone... Just to share this with myself again, made some changes and putting it down here...

I am not good at this, but I will try to let you understand what is the purpose of my this write up, which eventually is nothing, I know... But sometimes you feel very good doing things without purpose, without directions, to just go with the flow. While reading this, you may be finding me illogical sometimes, sometimes of your kind, sometimes practical, sometime emotional and sometimes very sensitive. Couple of things only one can let you understand in person, not by emails, not on calls, not by blogs etc... But its a good tech world now to throw out the things online and let everyone comment on it... good/bad, anything...

One fine evening, I got a beautiful explanation and definition of love, and I felt to give a big time hug to the person who put the words together, which were inside me, but scattered. There are many philosophies around the world about this four letter word, however, you need to feel comfortable and convinced about one particular thought on its definition which people has given it. No doubt in my statement that 'that person's' theory and definition of love touched me and I was convinced, still I am, nothing can change that throughout my life. Three types I had been told... One is Obsession, which sucks your blood, turns painful. Second, which grooms you in all the ways, which figure out all the positive energies inside you, you bloom in that. Third one, in which you leave the person you love, as it is, even if s/he wants to go, or have to leave you due to anything. I am still in between the sea of all these three thoughts that what kind of love I have oe feel. I am sure about one fact, I love, without any second thought, but when it comes to 'type' of it, I am blank, void and confused to bound my kind of love for someone in any 'type' or definition.

There are many things in your life you have to do; even you don't wish to do. Situations, reasons... Our life always sits on a bench of uncertainty; we never know what lies in the next second and what we will be doing for that uncertain action.

First kind: If you would be forcing someone to stick to yourself because of the reason 'You love someone', thats first kind of love, blood sucking, love which bother... that’s being like punishing yourself, and the other person too. What you would be doing with a machine... machine means a person with no feelings, or partial feeling for you...? The dirtiest sin is to kill your soul to do something or to accomplish something... Vikas, my best friend just reminded me that...

Second kind: If you really in love of this kind... with open heart and open arms, it’s a blessing altogether. Blessing for you and to other person that you met, things happened and you bloom... you bloom in a way that you can't be better than this... in past, in present, in future. It push you to figure out your capabilities... all your possibilities... all your strength become centralized... however, this phase only comes after certain time you have with someone... not just due to attraction, not just because of infatuation. It comes first with the 'magic' feeling, feeling of being together throughout the lifetime, through understanding each other in all the ways, respect for the decisions of each other. After sometime, then you will find that gradually you groomed, you groomed while you were spending the time... while talking, while exchanging the ideas, views.

Third kind: Most painful, though, still unfolds some happiness and satisfaction feeling. You need to some just let go... due to anything... Anything means due to situation, may be the other person don't feel the same way you feel for her/him, may be both of them come to know this that there is always next time and next life for them and not this... reason can be anything, but must be justified. May be, after some time, you will be having a smile on your face while thinking about that decision of being departed, being together in next life and next time... But issue with this third kind is, you hardly find yourself convinced about this. You should be having a very strong 'selfless' thinking behind, a very strong force of being a part o a larger world, a part of a universe which has no limitations, a sort of being saint... saint of your own kind...

I want to talk something about the word 'magic'... How can we skip this if we are talking about 'Love'... This love and magic have nothing uncommon according to me... both in some sense are the same... Don't forget to watch 'Sleepless in Seattle' for this word... 'Magic'... Being yourself... Being in 'Magic'... There is no harm to think about yourself and to think what you want and to get it done. At first, giving begins to you, yourself. If you are not happy, how you can make others happy and can be a reason for anyone's smile? If you are not satisfied, if you are not getting what you wish for, how you can be the reason behind someone's satisfaction and happiness? Isn't it like killing yourself for some other person? And how long you will be able to do that? At some point, you are cheating yourself, pretending, cheating everyone. This will not be long lasting... can't be. Magic is really a magical thing. Someone said it right, you don't know what you are missing until you taste it. If you can't be a living thing for yourself, full of happiness, joy, and full of life, you can't make the things for others...

Something to say... "You are not wrong when you think about yourself... it’s as important as to eat something... as necessary as to have oxygen and water...!”

Pray...!!!
Love & Faith...!!!
Everything will be alright... just believe in Him...!!!

God bless... :)

Wild wild world wide...

Don't want to put the name of the source from where this post is derived... People who know the source, will smile... who don't know... will smile a lot and will experience a new thing inside them... :)

I won't be the last
I won't be the first
Find a way to where the sky meets the earth
It's all right and all wrong
For me it begins at the end of the road
We come and go...

There is some kind of bigger thing that we can all appreciate and it sounds to me you don't mind calling it God. But when you forgive, you love. And when you love, God's light shines through you...

If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason, then all possibility of life is destroyed...
I'm going to paraphrase Thoreau here... rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness... give me truth...

The core of mans' spirit comes from new experiences...

You are wrong if you think that the joy of life comes principally from the joy of human relationships. God's place is all around us, it is in everything and in anything we can experience. People just need to change the way they look at things...

Society, man! You know, society! Cause, you know what I don't understand? I don't understand why people, why every person is so bad to each other so fucking often. It doesn't make sense to me. Judgment. Control. All that, the whole spectrum. Well, it just...

The sea's only gifts are harsh blows, and occasionally the chance to feel strong. Now I don't know much about the sea, but I do know that that's the way it is here. And I also know how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong but to feel strong. To measure yourself at least once. To find yourself at least once in the most ancient of human conditions. Facing the blind death stone alone, with nothing to help you but your hands and your own head...

Some people feel like they don't deserve love. They walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past...

Take Leave
the conscious mind
Found myself
to be so inclined

Why sleep
in discontent?
Oh the price
of companionship

My shadow runs with me
underneath the Big Wide Sun
My shadow comes with me
as we leave it all
we leave it all Far Behind

Empty pockets will
Allow a greater
Sense of wealth
Why contain yourself
Like any other
Book on the shelf

My shadow lays with me
underneath the Big Wide Sun
My shadow stays with me
as we leave it all
we leave it all Far Behind

Subtle voices in the wind,
Hear the truth they're telling
A world begins where the road ends
Watch me leave it all behind

God Bless... :)

Simple... A day...

A pending post... about being "Simple..." what I learnt from “A day...”

Not any specific purpose to talk about the topic... neither I do have something special to tell which has happened, I know people would have been least interested to know anyways if there would have been something special too to tell. We have our own worries, concerns, celebrations to deal with, so no time to appreciate or to feel good about some other person's day. But still, why not to describe it... atleast you yourself dealt with a day, just another day, and if describing it to you, yourself makes you feel good, nothing is important than that, at present... You got time for yourself... lucky!!!

Saturday normally is defined in my dictionary somewhere, and that is also defined to change the definition of the same in my dictionary, for sure... I always wish and think that every Saturday will change something, some meaning of a weekend, something which I don't expect as and from a normal like weekend. Not to think about friends, not to think about home, not to think about outing, not to think about a movie, not to think about car service, bike service, not to think about anything which comes into the mind when weekend arrives... at all... And every weekend pass away with these things only... I always think to wake up at 7:00 AM on Saturday; this number 7 has been stuck in my mind, somewhere deep inside... But whenever the alarm rings at 7 on any Saturday, feeling of weekend kills that alarm ring. Today also this happened, I woke up at 7:00 AM, but again got into sleep to stand up in another 10 minutes, and I ended up with sleep at 11:00 AM... again I repeated the things this time, like last Saturday, like all other Saturdays...

The first thing I had so strong in my mind was not to take this day as a normal weekend, and to let the things happens without being feeling of a weekend... Somehow I achieved this too, in partial ways. I made up mind for some tasks which were pending since long back, and not to do 'regular' weekend jobs. But eventually, in this way also I was treating this day as a weekend only. Good thing happened was, I did something unusual, because it was not in schedule, I will discuss that sometime later...

So as per plan, I had to meet my old friends, the dogs. I was missing them like anything and I needed to spend some time with them, to feed them with their favourite food, biscuits. One thing which I always like the most in them is their eyes... it always gives a feeling to be hopeful... sounds crazy thought, but true for me. It’s just don't look at any lousy dog, or that will force you to yawn even after an energy drink..., so don't give a thought to look at a lousy dog at all ... :). Whenever I go to them, their eyes says lots of things... how crazy life is, be hopeful, don't be sad, everything is uncertain, life is beautiful, what if you are not getting everything you wish, life will still remain beautiful, you can't change that fact... and a lot more... their eyes express... funny, but true... try to look into their eyes, read... After spending some time with them, I went to do some weekend stuff...

The time I reached some place for some work, it was 3:30 pm. And from one of my well-wisher, got a call about JV meeting, with Ashok ji. Without a thought, I made-up my mind to attend that meeting, to go through what it is all about, what the talk we can have there. Meeting was in IIT in some canteen area, one of the favourite areas for the people like me. Where you can see such young enthusiastic people, with lots of dreams for future, with new inventions going on in their mind, some romantic short documentaries, some you can find fighting with their own identity among the heavy ones. Clicked some snaps there, like a group of students discussing something very important without talking, with the gestures from their hands, on bird which just came and sit in front of me on my table and started picking the tea I left in the glass, the ultimate canteen with most of the workers sweating and the drops were pouring into the tea, samosas etc... (Lovely feeling, like I was in a rewind phase of my own college days...). So I noticed and clicked all these things while waiting for Ashok ji.

As he described himself to me on the call, he was just like that and without any second guess if he was himself Ashok ji, I gone forward to introduce myself. Just after the moment he came down from the car. So we two were sitted now, he with the glass of fresh juice, and I, with another cup of tea. Tea is something I feel very attached to, it is something to teach you patience, to teach you go slow, learn, understand, grasp, to be silent, as per its nature. What we talked about, what was the purpose of the conversation, what I achieved after talking to him, what I learnt, what I understood... what is JV... all these things I am keeping for another blog, as that is something still to think and also about choosing proper words for it. After some time, few more friends joined us and the discussion continued, it lasted for more than one hour, with more cup of tea in between, with more concentration and likeminded frequency.

In the end, when the departure time was there, the sense of achievement and satisfaction was there. Although, when I use the word 'achievement', it doesn't mean anything and nothing to do with any criteria when I go and meet someone, but I use this word because I was happy, and I was smiling. Achievement can also be defined as a void substitution class for nothing, just as you get nothing if you throw a piece of stone into the water, but you feel good. Like for me, on that Saturday, being a smile on my face was the most important thing to get, to achieve, so that sense came. We concluded that we are lost somewhere into this big race, because of being competitive, being jealous, being shopkeeper who also look for some monitory profit and gain out of anything, being selfish. And in between all this, we forget that the most important things ... being 'Simple'. Being simple, to keep things simple, to make things simple, should be our main purpose. To make ourselves worth, to make ourselves being noticeable, to make ourselves on a mark and as a note, we do many things which are not at all required, which we should not concern at all. The only and special thing we need to do is... be simple... accept simple... live simple... Life is really simple, and is really all about the simplicity and to accept simple... but we really insist on being complicated... to make it complicated...

That was a Saturday I lived, I learnt, I understood a bit and wanted to share... One fruitful Saturday, for which this write-up was all about... and I am bound to copy one thing here from Hans Hofmann... "The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak...". Let’s accept this, try this, practices this, and start moving towards that...

God Bless... :)

Society

Its logical and conceptual... a logical word... just like some IT generated word to define something which you can't describe... which exists but don't exist at all. Which is there, but not present, present, but not there. It can be created anytime, anywhere, it can be destroyed anytime, anywhere, and both the creation and destruction can happen while someone wants to fight with himself/herself into his/her crazy existence. It is the thing which just can't be ignore.. you have to either live in that, or either have to create and destroy one for you. As said, it a logical paradigm, so it exists without any boundary of time. It was already there when the social term itself was not defined... a society of 'no mankind', it is there at present when we are fighting with homogenously multiplexed issues into this world which are far crucial than this existence of term 'society', and it will be there when everything will get destroyed for the new transformation, it will be present as 'a new world arrival'. In different forms, it hit and run, but always show and introduce, present, exists.

I had a so called another 'useless' day here, apart from one thing I did which eventually made it a worth, made it a worth 'logically'. I love this 'logical' word most now days, because everything compressed in it for me, like everything is 'automata', everything turns 'logical'. It exists, but it doesn’t exist. It doesn’t exist, but still it has a presence, in one way or another, and you have to live with it. So the worth thing for me which happened was I gone at some place to give some gift to some of my unknown friends, people who don't know me or neither they bother who I am, and then a thought hit my mind. Those also have a society for me... 'Unknown society'... And that was the time I had to stop writing for my other pending blogs (like I am a professional blogger...) and thought to give a shot for the term 'society'.

In everything, whatever I do, damn confusion starts with me, myself. Yes, I respect this feeling that you need to start analysing part with you, but also I too need the space to analyse something and someone else and to start writing and thinking things with, the space which I don't and can't have. So when it started, I got confused. To which society I belong? Whether the one which I created and opt, or the one which created me, as myself, as how I am. The thought process can be mine; it can be what I think, how I think, what I want to do, and how I want to do. But as a mankind, as a contract between the mankind, it should also get derived either for a society, or from a society. So while searching the identity, for some society, you gona be in some crisis, or for some, an advantage. Means you, yourself doesn't mean anything here. It’s one side, or the other. Either you have to accept one, or create one. It’s the concept. Its how all this has been gestate, contrived.

But one good thing is, you have an option... as you always have a chance. You can create one too, 'conceptually', on the basis of your choices. Society doesn't exist as a substance, as its logical term, and as soul can't be created or destroyed, so goes with society. So conceptually you are free to enter into any game of it. If one has to be a strict religious, people are waiting, if one has to be liberal, people are waiting, if one has to change the world, people are waiting, if one has to save the world, people are waiting, if one has to play with rules, people are waiting... every time, everywhere, anywhere... conceptually you are into some society... to comprehend you, or to mistake you.

I am happy with one of the great quote I got... "Society exists only as a mental concept; in the real world there are only individuals...". And yes, isn't it like that? Individuals, with their own thoughts, own findings, own learning, own experiences, own decisions, own sufferings... but where this word 'individual' lost when after an unspecified period, it get derived for or from a society? But yes, the people who made the difference, made some of theirs, it’s always not 'from' a society for them, it’s their own 'individuality' which they remained or remaining, and people follow those, to enter into their society.

We are what we have been taught, we became what we had been bound, bound to think and to do calculations. I have been thinking a lot to take an advantage of being a human being and also because I got liberty to think... so I am doing that... and one thing which is popping up again and again... what Buddha said... "Because mind is a creation of the society. It has been educated. The heart is unpolluted. It is pure existence, hence, it has a sensitivity. Look from the viewpoint of the heart, and the contradiction starts melting like ice...". Here is a start... for a new society... :) Come people... join...

No, there is no conclusion of all this, about me, about you, about this blog. If we conclude something, then it means we stop... we stop somewhere... and in contradiction to that, heart can't stop... can't stay... it always like just be ready and receptive... so be it.

A song I want to add...

It's a mistery to me

we have a greed

with which we have agreed

You think you have to want

more than you need

until you have it all you won't be free

society, you're a crazy breed

I hope you're not lonely without me

When you want more than you have

you think you need

and when you think more than you want

your thoughts begin to bleed

I think I need to find a bigger place

'cos when you have more than you think

you need more space

society, you're a crazy breed...

there's those thinking more or less less is more

but if less is more how you're keeping score?

Means for every point you make

your level drops

kinda like its starting from the top

you can't do that...

society, you're a crazy breed...

society, have mercy on me

I hope you're not angry if I disagree

I hope you're not lonely without me
society, crazy and deep
I hope you're not lonely without me

Finally... one pic which I am missing the most, used to have in front of me for some hours in the daytime...

God bless!!! :)

An email I sent to my friends

Guys,

There are some thoughts roaming around in my mind about our mental and physical conditions. No doubt we are floating in our own world with smoking, drinking and several other stuff which we should either stop or atleast control upon. It reminds me a good quotation "Body is like our temple, we should take good care of it...". I know motivation never last, and motivational quotes etc hardly have any great impact on us apart from 1 or 2 days we remember those and then we again become as we are.

The thing for me as of now is not to explain the pros and cons about any good or bad habit, but to make sure that we can act on couple of points which may save us from any severe damage...
First and the least thing about all the below stuff is there should not be any RULE/DISCIPLINE to do anything. When the words like RULE/DISCIPLINE comes, it kills half of our enthu... I know!!!

NOTE: I know that to whomsoever I am sending this, they know me well that I am as lazy as an Laisk Loom ... not being bothered to do anything... So, the point is...some writing below is mine... and most of the stuff is copy paste!!! (So what... atleast I spend time for you and did all this...!!! Need appreciation…!!!).

-- "Start slow" is the mantra especially for the people like us who always find a reason not to do something or anything about the most important matter... our body. The best example I can put is
-- I remember for a month I didn't gone for jogging because my ipod was not working and my excuse was, without music, what the logic is to go for it at all...?? So, the conclusion is... you need not to be a gizmo freak or be in great attire etc. to do any physical activity. Clothes, accessories are not going to get any benefit, but you will if you do some physical activity.
-- Walk as much as you can… start enjoying it!!!
-- "Aerobic" exercises like cycling, swimming and running are best for cardiovascular fitness. They strengthen the heart and lungs. Make sure you do atleast one out of these for half an hour daily. It may be easier for you to spend ten minutes in the morning when you first get up, then again at night before you go to bed.
-- Games like basketball, tennis and soccer are of great help in terms of stamina etc... Make sure you play any out of these once in a week... (Don't give shit reasons like you don't have any club etc near by or you don't have so much money to do so... You can play basketball or soccer in your society's lawn etc too... and you don't require 5-10 people also for the same...)
-- Drink that H20! You'll need lots of water to stay fresh. You should drink water before, during and after any physical activity — even if you don't feel thirsty.
-- Accept the fact that our ancient Indian gift to us... "Yoga" is the best thing exist we can do for us and for the people around us too. Spare atleast two hours a week to practice the same... You can make it on weekends... (I know some people like me are more busy on weekends rather than weekdays, but I think now I need a small change in that sense... Remember... Only fools and naves are too busy for anything!!! Rest depends...)

Some more things we may think of...

-- Remember to be realistic about your goals. If you try to reduce the calories, fat, saturated fat, and sugar in your diet AND promise to make a drastic change in your physical activity level, you may be setting yourself up for failure. Instead of trying to make many changes at once, set smaller, more realistic goals for yourself and add a new challenge each week.
-- Make healthy choices a habit. This leads to a healthy lifestyle! Make a commitment to eat well, move more, and get support from family and friends. Even better, start eating healthier and being active together!
-- Choose snacks that are nutritious and filling. A piece of fresh fruit, cut raw vegetables, or a container of low-fat yogurt are excellent (and portable) choices to tide you over until mealtimes. Take these snacks with you for a healthy alternative to chips, cookies, or candy.
-- Take your time! Eat only when you are hungry and enjoy the taste, texture, and smell of your meal as you eat it. Remember, it takes approximately 15 minutes for your stomach to signal your brain that you are full.
-- Forgive yourself. If you occasionally make mistakes, don’t give up! Forgive yourself for making that choice and keep working on it. Eat an extra healthy lunch and dinner if you had a high-calorie, high-fat breakfast. Add more physical activity to your day.

So guys... lets get together to celebrate a happy and beautiful life by start implementing small things, in bits and pieces... I will be more than happy if we will start pointing out the things we should do and what we should not do... among ourselves (later we can start nagging unknown people too about what they are eating etc, but first lets gain some strength by implementing any of the above mentioned things, so that in case someone start beating anyone of us, we would have stamina to recover soon...). I will be posting such things as and when I will cross any.

Comments/compliments are more than welcome!!! Cheers and good luck.... :)

PS: This my email is not meant for some of the recipients as none of the habit which may cause something bad to health they own… Its just a matter of group, and to let them know what situations we are in and how we are trying to cope up with that!!! But also… I have a something good for them… below…

"He was a good man… He never smoked, drank & had no affairs. When he died, the insurance company refused the claim!!! They said…. He who never lived.. CAN'T DIE!!!"

The pure

I have been thinking about this at times. Though, the fundamental of being right and wrong are reserved by individuals, but purity is nothing to do with that... What is right and what is wrong, will remain the same without any change in it, its just a matter of our own ease that we manipulate those right and wrongs at times. What 'Right' and 'Wrong' we know, are some facts created by us, the mankind, due to our own fears, may be to overcome from some fear, or to create some fear, don't know... What an urge comes sometimes is to face the real 'right' and the real 'wrong'. Those exists, you can feel their presence in this whole existence. But due to how the mankind's upbringing has been done, we start believing in their absence, and we already been constructed for the presence of something which don't exists, or rather, the presence of the facts which we created. This is again a question of man made 'right's and 'wrongs', if you want to believe this, anyways you will, and if you wish to argue on the same, there can be several wrongs here. The part of "convincing" ourselves I had put in my previous blog, so let it be there. What I am trying to figure out is about "What is pure", irrespective of any 'right' and 'wrong'. Purity can't be judged; it can't be parameterized in any such logical calculations of 'rights' and 'wrongs'.

As Osho mentioned... "Your innermost core has always been pure. Purity is intrinsic to you, it cannot be taken away. Your virginity is eternal. You cannot lose it, there is no way to lose it. You can only forget about it or you can remember it. If you forget about it, you live in confusion. If you remember about it, all is clear." No-one can take the purity from your inside... its there, it should be. You may be doing something unacceptable to the world, to the so called society, but the feeling to do the same thing, at there right moment, is pure. You can't manipulate that. And if the purity presents there, how something can be wrong?

It takes a lot of courage though, to be pure. Its there, but to let it come out, it takes lots of courage. Its unforgiving sometimes, but its lovely. Tough to understand, though beautiful. Anything it can take from you, but return everything. It is always right, dancing inside you to come out. But may take ages to feel you like dancing with it. Once it gets start, its unstoppable. Its not a matter of faith or belief, because these words are highly attached with the contradiction between what you have been tout since beginning and what you feel. However, purity is a fact, its a basic instinct of everyone. We have been pure since beginning. It’s just the layers of some conscious and sub-conscious things which hide it. Purity can't judge, between right and the opposite of it. It is what it is. It can't be this way or that way, it can't happen, it can't be created. It’s not to be discussed, as it can't fold itself in topics. Arguments on it can’t be useful, will not help. It’s for yourself, can't be for anyone else. When the world, the so called society get exaggerated on it, it gets impure in a way. Its simple, yet complicated...

"My death, taking the light from my eyes, gives back to the day the purity which they soiled..." -- Jean Racine

God Bless!!! :)