No Eyes, no Ears, no Nose, no Tongue, no Body, no Mind.
No Seeing, no Hearing, no Smelling, no Tasting,
No color, sound, smell, taste, touch, phenomena.
No realm of sight, no realm of consciousness,
No Form, no Feeling, no Thought,
No Volition, no Consciousness.
No Touching, no Thinking;
No world of Sight.
No world of Consciousness;
No Ignorance and no end to Ignorance;
No Old Age and Death and no end to Old Age and Death.
No Suffering, no Craving, no Extinction, no Path;
No Wisdom, no Attainment
Not born, not destroyed,
Not stained, not pure; without loss, without gain.
So in emptiness there is no form, no sensation, conception, discrimination, awareness
No ignorance and no end to ignorance.
No old age and death and no end to old age and death.
No suffering, no cause of suffering. No extinguishing, no path,
No wisdom and no gain. No gain and thus
With no hindrance in the mind, no hindrance, therefore no fear;
Far beyond deluded thoughts, this is Nirvana
Budhha...
All night I could not sleep
because of the moonlight on my bed.
I kept on hearing a voice calling:
Out of Nowhere, Nothing answered "yes."
- Zi Ye, Collection of Chinese Folk Songs
6th-3rd century B.C.E.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Friday, October 22, 2010
सूर्य
कोई स्ट्रीट लाईट बल्ब नही है, ये स्त्रोत है हमारी परम ऊर्जा का...
सबसे प्रख्यात, प्रधान और सबसे महत्वपुर्ण स्थान रखते है सुर्य इस सॊर मण्डल मे!
सबसे बडी वस्तु और ९८% सॊर मण्डल का भार समाया है इनमे!
इनकी चक्रिका मे समाने के लिये १०९ और इनके अन्तर मे आने के लिए १० लाख पृथ्वी चहिये!
Mankind will not remain on Earth forever, but in its quest for light and space will at first timidly penetrate beyond the confines of the atmosphere, and later will conquer for itself all the space near the Sun. - Konstantin E. Tsiolkovsky
Monday, October 18, 2010
पहली कोशिश...
अभी कुछ दिनो से हिन्दी ब्लोग्स और कवितायॆ पढ्ना शुरु किया है... बहुत अच्छा लगा! अभी एक सोफ़्ट्वेयर के माध्यम से कोशिश कर रहा हू कुछ हिन्दी मॆ पोस्ट करने का, त्रुटिय़ा होगी ही, परन्तु शायद इसी तरहा त्रुटिय़ॊ के माध्यम से क्या पता कोई सम्पूर्ण और अच्छी बात निकल आये...
कोई अत्यधिक महत्वपुर्ण बात नही है अभी कहने या बताने के लिऎ, बस ऐसे ही ताना-बाना बुनने की कोशिश की है जो कुछ भी अभी चेतन-अव्चेतन मन मे चल रहा है! कुछ बाते जो कभी सोच कर दुखः प्रकट कर लेता हू, कभी किन्ही विचारो मे डूब कर अपना रास्ता भूल जाता हू! बात माने तो कुछ भी ना-पते की होते हुए पते की है, और नही है तो शायद कुछ भी नही है! फ़ैसला अपना-अपना सुरक्षित है!
सन्स्कार और संस्कृति
कल राह मे चलते-चलते ऐसे ही रेडिओ पर ये शब्द सुने! यही दो शब्द जिसमे लगता है कि सारा पारिवारिक, सामाजिक और धरा का मुल सुख चिपा हुआ है! यही दो शब्द है जिन्हे सुनते और समझते हुए इन्सान ने कितने ही रिश्तो, कितने ही नातो, और कितनी ही भवनाओ को ना जाने कितनी ही बार ताक पे रखा है और कितनी ही बार कत्ल किया है! कुछ थेकेदारो ने तो संस्कृति के नाम पे एक नया अध्याय भी शुरु किया हुआ है, जो इतना प्रचलित हुआ कि एक फ़िल्म भी बनी उसपे... "honour killing" ... उस सभ्यता और संस्कृति के नाम पे कत्ल जिसे ना तो इनमे से किसी ठेकेदार ने बनाया है, और ना ही खुद कभी परिपक्व और समझदार होके पालन ही किया है!
अब "honour killing" मे नया इज़ाफ़ा हुआ है समय के साथ-साथ, "emotional killing". ये शायद इस "honour killing" का ही एक्स्टेन्डॆड वर्ज़ेन है, परन्तु देखने मे आया है कि इसका रुप "honour killing" से भी अधिक खतरनाक ऒर विभत्स है! "honour killing" मे किसी को एक बार मार दिया जाता है, परन्तु इसके एक्स्टेन्डॆड वर्ज़ेन मे तिल-तिल कर मारने का प्रचलन है!
बात करते है कुछ इमानदारी की. कि या तो आपको किसी भी तरीके से इमानदार होने नही दिया जायेगा, और अगर हुए तो इमानदार रहने नही दिये जाने की एक अनोखी अनजानी सी पवीत्र कसम से बिना कुछ बोले जकड दिया जाएगा! बहुत छोटी सी बात को समझने के लिये जो आडम्बर और स्वान्ग रचे जाते है, कोई ही विरला उस पीडा से मेहरुम रहा हो!
"emotional killing" मे एक बात और जो सामने आती है, वो है किसी अपने प्रिये की बिमारी! टेन्श्न से माइग्रएन, वोमिट, हर्ट पेन, नीन्द ना आना, बुरे स्वपन इत्यादि का आजकल बहुत चलन है! और इन सबके उपरान्त भी अपनी बात को मनवाने के लिये खाना ना खाने का भी अत्यधिक उपयोग किया जा रहा है! मुद्दे कि बात ये कि ये पुराने तरीके इतने पुख्ता और मज़बूत है कि आज भी कामगार सिध है! ऒल्ड ईज़ गोल्ड!
अगर थोडा ध्यान से अध्यन्न किया जाये और समझने कि कोशिश ना सही, बस सोचा जाये समझने के बारे मे, तो बात इतनी कठिन भी नही है, बस रिश्तो की बुनियादे गलत पड चुकी है शायद. थोडी सी मेहनत और समझदारी से अगर काम लिया जाये, तो बात बन सकती है. परन्तु कुछ दुर्भाग्यवश काफी लोगो के लिये देर हो चुकी होती है! और उसपे सुहागा ये कि भुक्त्भोगी भी इसी बात पर यकीन करना शुरु कर देता है कि शायाद सुबहो कि किरण अभी बहुत दूर है!
खाफ़ी खानापुर्ति के बाद नतीजा मुझे तो हरिवन्श राय बच्चन जी कि एक कविता कि और ले जाता है जिसका एक छःन्द नीचे प्रस्तुत है! (आशा है कि अमिताभ जी नाराज़ नही होन्गे, उन्हे पसन्द नही है कि कोई भी ऐसे ही अपने लेख को आकर्षित बनाने के लिये हरिवन्श जी की कविताओ का प्रयोग करे! और मै भी उनसे इस बात पे पुरी सहमति रखता हू. परन्तु अपनी पहली कोशिश की शुरुआत तो मै फ़िर भी उनकी एक कविता के छ्न्द से ही करना चाहूगा)
मैं छिपाना जानता तो
जग मुझे साधु समझता,
शत्रु मेरा बन गया है
छल रहित व्यवहार मेरा
कोई अत्यधिक महत्वपुर्ण बात नही है अभी कहने या बताने के लिऎ, बस ऐसे ही ताना-बाना बुनने की कोशिश की है जो कुछ भी अभी चेतन-अव्चेतन मन मे चल रहा है! कुछ बाते जो कभी सोच कर दुखः प्रकट कर लेता हू, कभी किन्ही विचारो मे डूब कर अपना रास्ता भूल जाता हू! बात माने तो कुछ भी ना-पते की होते हुए पते की है, और नही है तो शायद कुछ भी नही है! फ़ैसला अपना-अपना सुरक्षित है!
सन्स्कार और संस्कृति
कल राह मे चलते-चलते ऐसे ही रेडिओ पर ये शब्द सुने! यही दो शब्द जिसमे लगता है कि सारा पारिवारिक, सामाजिक और धरा का मुल सुख चिपा हुआ है! यही दो शब्द है जिन्हे सुनते और समझते हुए इन्सान ने कितने ही रिश्तो, कितने ही नातो, और कितनी ही भवनाओ को ना जाने कितनी ही बार ताक पे रखा है और कितनी ही बार कत्ल किया है! कुछ थेकेदारो ने तो संस्कृति के नाम पे एक नया अध्याय भी शुरु किया हुआ है, जो इतना प्रचलित हुआ कि एक फ़िल्म भी बनी उसपे... "honour killing" ... उस सभ्यता और संस्कृति के नाम पे कत्ल जिसे ना तो इनमे से किसी ठेकेदार ने बनाया है, और ना ही खुद कभी परिपक्व और समझदार होके पालन ही किया है!
अब "honour killing" मे नया इज़ाफ़ा हुआ है समय के साथ-साथ, "emotional killing". ये शायद इस "honour killing" का ही एक्स्टेन्डॆड वर्ज़ेन है, परन्तु देखने मे आया है कि इसका रुप "honour killing" से भी अधिक खतरनाक ऒर विभत्स है! "honour killing" मे किसी को एक बार मार दिया जाता है, परन्तु इसके एक्स्टेन्डॆड वर्ज़ेन मे तिल-तिल कर मारने का प्रचलन है!
बात करते है कुछ इमानदारी की. कि या तो आपको किसी भी तरीके से इमानदार होने नही दिया जायेगा, और अगर हुए तो इमानदार रहने नही दिये जाने की एक अनोखी अनजानी सी पवीत्र कसम से बिना कुछ बोले जकड दिया जाएगा! बहुत छोटी सी बात को समझने के लिये जो आडम्बर और स्वान्ग रचे जाते है, कोई ही विरला उस पीडा से मेहरुम रहा हो!
"emotional killing" मे एक बात और जो सामने आती है, वो है किसी अपने प्रिये की बिमारी! टेन्श्न से माइग्रएन, वोमिट, हर्ट पेन, नीन्द ना आना, बुरे स्वपन इत्यादि का आजकल बहुत चलन है! और इन सबके उपरान्त भी अपनी बात को मनवाने के लिये खाना ना खाने का भी अत्यधिक उपयोग किया जा रहा है! मुद्दे कि बात ये कि ये पुराने तरीके इतने पुख्ता और मज़बूत है कि आज भी कामगार सिध है! ऒल्ड ईज़ गोल्ड!
अगर थोडा ध्यान से अध्यन्न किया जाये और समझने कि कोशिश ना सही, बस सोचा जाये समझने के बारे मे, तो बात इतनी कठिन भी नही है, बस रिश्तो की बुनियादे गलत पड चुकी है शायद. थोडी सी मेहनत और समझदारी से अगर काम लिया जाये, तो बात बन सकती है. परन्तु कुछ दुर्भाग्यवश काफी लोगो के लिये देर हो चुकी होती है! और उसपे सुहागा ये कि भुक्त्भोगी भी इसी बात पर यकीन करना शुरु कर देता है कि शायाद सुबहो कि किरण अभी बहुत दूर है!
खाफ़ी खानापुर्ति के बाद नतीजा मुझे तो हरिवन्श राय बच्चन जी कि एक कविता कि और ले जाता है जिसका एक छःन्द नीचे प्रस्तुत है! (आशा है कि अमिताभ जी नाराज़ नही होन्गे, उन्हे पसन्द नही है कि कोई भी ऐसे ही अपने लेख को आकर्षित बनाने के लिये हरिवन्श जी की कविताओ का प्रयोग करे! और मै भी उनसे इस बात पे पुरी सहमति रखता हू. परन्तु अपनी पहली कोशिश की शुरुआत तो मै फ़िर भी उनकी एक कविता के छ्न्द से ही करना चाहूगा)
मैं छिपाना जानता तो
जग मुझे साधु समझता,
शत्रु मेरा बन गया है
छल रहित व्यवहार मेरा
सन्स्कार और संस्कृति पे और भी बहुत कुछ है चर्चा करने के लिये, अगर शेष नही रखा, तो ज़्यादा रहेगा नही लिखने के लिए!
शुभ
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Cirumstantial and Relative
I had been finding the words to express some things I had been thinking a lot. And during my search, I figured out that somewhere we failed and been failing ourselves for being conditional and relative.
Everything has been broken, here and there and no one but we only are responsible for this. Things have been turned circumstantial, relative, confusing, complicated and conditional. Conditions in any relationship.
I have been finding a whole new world all around, since the time I have turned 'honest' or atleast, 'trying to be honest'. Nothing is free, and one have to pay for it. I have to let everything go now, for the reason of being a human. I have to pay for every relation, for being a human and have to be responsible for everything.
Everything has been broken, here and there and no one but we only are responsible for this. Things have been turned circumstantial, relative, confusing, complicated and conditional. Conditions in any relationship.
I have been finding a whole new world all around, since the time I have turned 'honest' or atleast, 'trying to be honest'. Nothing is free, and one have to pay for it. I have to let everything go now, for the reason of being a human. I have to pay for every relation, for being a human and have to be responsible for everything.
Inside, its nothing and a state of 'blank', unanswered questions, unresolved issues.
I am looking at the relationships, love and attachments I share with people. If you are acting and doing according to them, you are the best in all. If you are not doing and acting according to those, if you are adverse of their thoughts, you are the worst person. They forget everything you have done for them in the past and you are in the question of even close to them, if you don't agree.
I am just letting it go, no matter what had happened, what is happening and what will happen, because nothing is getting changed after all. And nothing will change. Change I have seen only in the relationships. I have seen how relationships get change when one don't get agree with them. I have seen the foundation of relationships on the basis of agreements. I have seen how people turns a person up and down on the basis of fake relationships. See the foundation of our relationships, see how strong it is.
There is some mistake we have done while understanding the facts. And there is always a time comes when you have to pay for it.
Its after spring season, I am very cold at this moment, cold from inside. I am looking at the fan on the roof, running. Its like the wheel of life, motion, everytime. I am numb, looking at it. Its not less then a miracle that I am still thinking. I am still thinking and experiencing the wheel of life. Mine being motionless is not affecting this wheel. It has to move and go on, irrespective of anything. I got uncomfortable inside this room, just walked out, but its evening. Sunset is making me more conducive...
I have to go now, its time...
God Bless!!!
Friday, October 8, 2010
The Birth and the Day
A child take birth, a family get extended, happiness spreads everywhere, newly turned mother get tears in her eyes, grandparents feel on the top of the world, newly turned father feel so proud on this pro-creation, its blossom and autumn everywhere, with the birth of the child. Mother's first thought after looking on the child would be... I will love and protect this child, I will give everything to that child even if she have to die or will have to do anything for it. The first thought...But with all this course, one more thing take birth... expectation. Expectation of fulfilment of dreams, parents dreams, grandparents dreams, everyone involves. Hope and expectation are the two procreation of the same human kind, however, most of the people can't make a difference out of it. There is a very thin line of control between these two, loosely impossible to maintain, it get mixed up. Getting hopeful about a child would have been a blessing, things turns wrong when expectations take over.
No-one is exempted here... no-one is different. Set of rules had been made long back. The education one get, the knowledge one gain, the childhood one spend in the shadow of motherhood, the hidden expectations are growing. And they blast some day or the other, whenever required. There is no hope for the good, there are always expectations all around. Understanding is waiting to get its space and recognition.
With the growing child, parenthood takes its own shape according to time. Expectations makes their own faces and one get treated accordingly. The stories one child read in the books sometime, writing one, another time. When the cause of education turns into a bulky salary expectation, a child never knows of it.
One day for sure has always been given... the birthday. To spend time with friends, happiness in the family, party, gifts. That has also been taken as one year plus to the expectation. We forget the real cause, the real gift we can provide to a child. Healthy thoughts, being responsible towards family and this world, being in the search of a constant happiness, in the state of it. A birth has been a central point of expectations and a birthday is a stamp on it.
My day was never been an occasion, but just a recap of what I had done last year, before I turned one more year older. I never took any resolutions (except once) and now at this point of time, I always feel that one more year when I spend, it should always make me one year more responsible for everything. I had been told and burdened about being responsible, however, that was quite self centric. Now I feel a wider space and more things plus more cause towards what I feel more responsible.
In this unlimited space of time and universe, a birth is a hope, a ray of hope that something good is still there and we have to nurture this hope, not with the expectation, but with the understanding and responsibility towards everything, the first and the basic, towards ourselves, a good start. O child, your birth is not less then a miracle, you are such an extraordinary gift to the world, I believe you always deserved to hear these words, with hope.
No-one is exempted here... no-one is different. Set of rules had been made long back. The education one get, the knowledge one gain, the childhood one spend in the shadow of motherhood, the hidden expectations are growing. And they blast some day or the other, whenever required. There is no hope for the good, there are always expectations all around. Understanding is waiting to get its space and recognition.
With the growing child, parenthood takes its own shape according to time. Expectations makes their own faces and one get treated accordingly. The stories one child read in the books sometime, writing one, another time. When the cause of education turns into a bulky salary expectation, a child never knows of it.
One day for sure has always been given... the birthday. To spend time with friends, happiness in the family, party, gifts. That has also been taken as one year plus to the expectation. We forget the real cause, the real gift we can provide to a child. Healthy thoughts, being responsible towards family and this world, being in the search of a constant happiness, in the state of it. A birth has been a central point of expectations and a birthday is a stamp on it.
My day was never been an occasion, but just a recap of what I had done last year, before I turned one more year older. I never took any resolutions (except once) and now at this point of time, I always feel that one more year when I spend, it should always make me one year more responsible for everything. I had been told and burdened about being responsible, however, that was quite self centric. Now I feel a wider space and more things plus more cause towards what I feel more responsible.
In this unlimited space of time and universe, a birth is a hope, a ray of hope that something good is still there and we have to nurture this hope, not with the expectation, but with the understanding and responsibility towards everything, the first and the basic, towards ourselves, a good start. O child, your birth is not less then a miracle, you are such an extraordinary gift to the world, I believe you always deserved to hear these words, with hope.
One more year has been passed...
One more year has been started...
People have grown more expectations...
I see the actions and reactions on this day...
I am looking at the different faces, different relations I share with people here...
I can feel the extorted mind of mine to experience the another year of unexperienced things...
Its a birthday, the day of birth!!!
The idea should be of being hopeful about your child and not to give him/her a burden of your heavy expectations. Think about setting him free from all the fears you always had and have, set him free from all the rituals, from all the cast, creed and religion, so that in the end, s/he should be proud to be your son/daughter... nurture him/her with his/her basic nature... how s/he is now in his childhood, pure and free of all human made boundries, thought process... that I consider the best birthday gift, year after year.
Fly free and happy beyond birthdays and across forever, and we'll meet now and then when we wish, in the midst of the one celebration that never can end...
~Richard Bach
There is something in every one of you that waits and listens for the sound of the genuine in yourself. It is the only true guide you will ever have. And if you cannot hear it, you will all of your life spend your days on the ends of strings that somebody else pulls.
~Howard Thurman
One of my favorite lyrics:
Sit by my side, come as close as the air
Share in a memory of gray
Wander in my words,
dream about the pictures
That I play of changes
Green leaves of summer turn red in the fall
To brown and to yellow they fade
And then they have to die,
trapped within
The circle time parade of changes
Scenes of my young years were warm in my mind
Visions of shadows that shine
'Til one day I returned and found they were the
Victims of the vines of changes
The world's spinning madly,
it drifts in the dark
Swings through a hollow of haze
A race around the stars,
a journey through
The universe ablaze with changes
Moments of magic will glow in the night
All fears of the forest are gone
But when the morning breaks they're swept away by
Golden drops of dawn, of changes
Passions will part to a strange melody
As fires will sometimes burn cold
Like petals in the wind, we're puppets to the silver
Strings of souls, of changes
Your tears will be trembling, now we're somewhere else
One last cup of wine we will pour
And I'll kiss you one more time,
and leave you onThe rolling river shores of changes
So sit by my side, come as close as the air
Share in a memory of gray
Wander in my words, dream about the pictures
That I play of changes
**Written on 7th Oct, posted on 8th.
One more year has been started...
People have grown more expectations...
I see the actions and reactions on this day...
I am looking at the different faces, different relations I share with people here...
I can feel the extorted mind of mine to experience the another year of unexperienced things...
Its a birthday, the day of birth!!!
The idea should be of being hopeful about your child and not to give him/her a burden of your heavy expectations. Think about setting him free from all the fears you always had and have, set him free from all the rituals, from all the cast, creed and religion, so that in the end, s/he should be proud to be your son/daughter... nurture him/her with his/her basic nature... how s/he is now in his childhood, pure and free of all human made boundries, thought process... that I consider the best birthday gift, year after year.
Fly free and happy beyond birthdays and across forever, and we'll meet now and then when we wish, in the midst of the one celebration that never can end...
~Richard Bach
There is something in every one of you that waits and listens for the sound of the genuine in yourself. It is the only true guide you will ever have. And if you cannot hear it, you will all of your life spend your days on the ends of strings that somebody else pulls.
~Howard Thurman
One of my favorite lyrics:
Sit by my side, come as close as the air
Share in a memory of gray
Wander in my words,
dream about the pictures
That I play of changes
Green leaves of summer turn red in the fall
To brown and to yellow they fade
And then they have to die,
trapped within
The circle time parade of changes
Scenes of my young years were warm in my mind
Visions of shadows that shine
'Til one day I returned and found they were the
Victims of the vines of changes
The world's spinning madly,
it drifts in the dark
Swings through a hollow of haze
A race around the stars,
a journey through
The universe ablaze with changes
Moments of magic will glow in the night
All fears of the forest are gone
But when the morning breaks they're swept away by
Golden drops of dawn, of changes
Passions will part to a strange melody
As fires will sometimes burn cold
Like petals in the wind, we're puppets to the silver
Strings of souls, of changes
Your tears will be trembling, now we're somewhere else
One last cup of wine we will pour
And I'll kiss you one more time,
and leave you onThe rolling river shores of changes
So sit by my side, come as close as the air
Share in a memory of gray
Wander in my words, dream about the pictures
That I play of changes
**Written on 7th Oct, posted on 8th.
God Bless!!!
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Relation...
Its about every single person who met you in your journey of life. This word not only includes father, mother, brother, sister, cousine and all thousands of relatives, but also includes what an abstraction belonging you sense for anyone who is in your life. Friends, colegues, knowns, unknowns, strangers, closely knit bond with anyone... you share a relation to anyone and everyone. One is relative not only to the family, but to this world in one way of another. I had a very strange feeling at one point of time, when I was going through a mental crisis night, that how I am saying one is relative to me, and in what sense. And the answer I ended up with was, everything is relative. It start with "me"/"I", that is self, and it got unbounded to the universe. The starting point is "I". If "I" is disconnected, somewhere, one will not be able to relate himself/herself with anyone, including family, parents. Finding self, connecting with "I" is so important so that nothing can be defined without it. Its a relation you share with yourself, your thoughts about yourself, how you link you and yourself is very important stating point for any journey.
In our environment, relation can be defined very easily, very normally. Father, mother, blood relations, how someone get maternal relative, how someone get paternal relative, its not any science. Science and study is, how many can't find any relation taken for granted? Almost all... in any or every sense, what a relation means in a society has been taken for granted. If she is my daughter, she will do this anyways, reasonbeing, she is "my" daughter. "My" kills. "My" is the utter most wrong relation, "I" is important.
Where you stand, what you do, where you are... when a sense of "my" thing comes, questions falls like a storm. When I think of "I" relationship first, its like a spring, I feel no complication in anything, it blossom love all over. Finding anything is very simple, relatives are very normal things, defining relation is very small here... "Someone in the same family; someone connected by blood"... Are we not a family as a whole? For and of this existence? In this space? For this very moment?
I was in a queue today for some work and when it was my turn, the clerk seen my name and smiled. He said my last name and said "Ohh... so you are Mr. *****"? I said yes, I am. He replied, very good, its great. I asked him what is great in this? He was very disappointed by my answer and got pissed off. Then he told me that he was of the same surname. I told him one thing... If this is how you think you relate to me, "being a common surname", I am feeling pity for me and you... I wish if you could have related me with you and the whole queue with the simplest relation we all have and we share, i.e. a relation of a human to human, this place and the world would have been a much better and beautiful place. (Mine and someone's personal thoughts... no hard feelings)
In our environment, relation can be defined very easily, very normally. Father, mother, blood relations, how someone get maternal relative, how someone get paternal relative, its not any science. Science and study is, how many can't find any relation taken for granted? Almost all... in any or every sense, what a relation means in a society has been taken for granted. If she is my daughter, she will do this anyways, reasonbeing, she is "my" daughter. "My" kills. "My" is the utter most wrong relation, "I" is important.
Where you stand, what you do, where you are... when a sense of "my" thing comes, questions falls like a storm. When I think of "I" relationship first, its like a spring, I feel no complication in anything, it blossom love all over. Finding anything is very simple, relatives are very normal things, defining relation is very small here... "Someone in the same family; someone connected by blood"... Are we not a family as a whole? For and of this existence? In this space? For this very moment?
I was in a queue today for some work and when it was my turn, the clerk seen my name and smiled. He said my last name and said "Ohh... so you are Mr. *****"? I said yes, I am. He replied, very good, its great. I asked him what is great in this? He was very disappointed by my answer and got pissed off. Then he told me that he was of the same surname. I told him one thing... If this is how you think you relate to me, "being a common surname", I am feeling pity for me and you... I wish if you could have related me with you and the whole queue with the simplest relation we all have and we share, i.e. a relation of a human to human, this place and the world would have been a much better and beautiful place. (Mine and someone's personal thoughts... no hard feelings)
The another thing I noticed was a parent-child relationship. "If you are doing this, you are not my daughter/son". Taken for granted kills. If this is kind of loan on me to be someone's child, I better choose not to pay that, but alas, in this 21st century also, people are still slaves of these kind of relationships, they have to be, sometimes, there is no other way. Its completely a lack and disconnect of oneself with "I", parents also, children too. Its a different topic altogether to discuss.
Relation, in my sense, is a very simple and cosmic thing. Its inconceivably extended in space and time. It can't be just a family and blood thing. Its with everyone and everywhere. Its with all in the journey of finding Self, and to relate oneself to one, in the form of father, mother, relatives, friends, to the world. Why to give a small definition to the word "relation"? Its simple... "How I can relate myself to you...?". How I can associate myself with you...? Not just because of any pressure, but from my innermost soul, how and in what form I have to accept you? That's being making a reference, a talk. Not just defined things, but beyond that. Not just because one's father gave all the things one needed, but how actually he defined a relation with you. What he added into one, what he subtracted from one, what a thought process he developed inside one, and that what defines how he will be able and how one will be able to get relate with.
I am in between so many theories and thoughts, books and philosophies, write-ups and discussions... trying to define a relation!!!
Will write back soon on this... I want to...
"The only reason we don't open our hearts and minds to other people is that they trigger confusion in us that we don't feel brave enough or sane enough to deal with. To the degree that we look clearly and compassionately at ourselves, we feel confident and fearless about looking into someone else's eyes." - Pema Chodron
God Bless...
Sunday, September 26, 2010
And the life continues....
Mom: So... what's going on? What is in your mind?
Son: Nothing mom... What it is about?
Mom: Don't try to fool us... You know it is about your marriage...
Son: Oh, com'on mom... You have given birth to me... you know I don't want that...
Mom: But why...? And don't give me any of your most like reasons... "I can't do..."... "I don't know..." Its enough... enough of sufferings for all of us... either do it or leave us...
Son: How I can leave you...? How you can think like that...?
Mom: So do it... what is stopping you...? Give the reasons...
Son: Mom, The only reason I can give you is that I can't do it... You know me.. I just can't do... It will be a sin for me... with my soul
Mom: Sin...? What the hell is this now..? Have you done something wrong...?
Son: No mom.. I can't do anything wrong with anyone... that is how I am...
Mom: So tell me what it is all about... and be honest...
Son: Mom, it is right that as of now, I don't have anyone to look forward... there is no-one waiting for me... there is nothing I have done wrong with anyone... I just can't do it... I can't accept and think of any person if it comes to spend rest of my life with...
Mom: (Screamed) I have enough of this nonsense and movie dialogues... I need to know the reason... or if there is someone, tell me and I will try to do something about it...
Son: Mom... I swear on you... I am just all alone... I just can't be with anyone else... I am useless for anyone...
Mom: Stop all this nonsense and try to be sensible... Give me a reason why you can't do it, or if you have someone, why you are not able to tell me...
Son: Is everything you can say and explain in life? Can you explain God, air...? Can you explain everything in your life...?
Mom: Don't try to play with me... Tell me the truth...
Son: I never being this much honest in my life... I want to say... that I can't be with anyone else, and I can't tell you more than this, because I have nothing...
Mom: So what you are trying to do...? Kill all of us...? I know you are a cheater since your birth... you are the most dishonest person... to me, to your dad, to everyone... you are a born lier...
Son: Stop all this... why are you saying all this to me? I never do that mom... I never cheat anyone... Why I have to do this with you? I have no reason...
Mom: No, you have your reasons... you are too selfish and self centered to think about anyone else...
Son: So is it wrong to think about myself?
Mom: I don't want any argument with you, I know you will win anyways... I want the fact...
Son: Mom... the fact is... I can't cheat myself... I can't be a machine so that I can choose anyone in my life out of your choices and I spend my whole life like that... Trust me... I am being myself... I want to be honest and don't want to lie you... I just don't want any partner in this journey...
Mom: Okay... So we both, me and your dad, will be leaving tomorrow, or better today... and you will be free to do whatever you want to do...
Son: This is pathetic... why you have to do so? I should be the one who will be saying this to you... as you think I am wrong, I should be leaving the house...
Dad: Yes... you pathetic piece of shit... you should be leaving the house... why we should pay for your doings and your will. But in the end, whatever you will be doing, we will be the sufferrer... as the people, the society will say that he was their son... you have no identity, nobody who know you... we are your identity in this society... So, we will be the ultimate sufferer... do whatever you want to do... but then don't come to our graves... don't even show your face to us...
Mom: You please calm down.. let me talk to him...
Son: Why it is becoming a life deal for both of you if I don't want to do this...? What right you are giving to me about my life...? The decision should be mine... why you are making me so helpless and in this dilemma? Why you are threatening me like this rather then getting me, my point?
Dad: Because you have no point at all... your life is useless, you are a cheater, dishonest and untrustable person... You have no direction in your life... You are telling us to believe your belief... the belief for which you even can't provide a reason...
Son: I have no reason, that is right dad... but I have a belief in something which has a reason... and its not unreasonable... I know that... You are not believing me at this point... but I know, sometime, when you will be alone, when you will be talking to yourself... all of my these illogical reasons will turn logical to you... when you will be thinking about me as a person... a person who believed in something and how you broke his faith due to your unnecessary pressures... how due to your own selfishness and fear of your fake pride in the society, you made your own son to suffer like this... What all I am asking? I am asking to be alone... its not a deal for your life and death...
Dad: Enough of your lectures... Tell me what do you want...
Son: If you can't be a dad, atleast be a human... still you are asking what I want...?
Dad: (to mom) ... See... this is we have to get when we give the quality education to our children... This is the return... It was your plan to let him free and enjoy his life... and now, see what we have to get through...
Mom: Son... what is the issue...? Why you just can't listen to us now a days...?
Son: Mom... you gave me birth.. I know your innersole is telling you that you should set me free out of all this... atleast you understand me...
Mom: I understand you... but I can't stand against your dad...
Dad: (to mom) Ohh... so now you also turned like him... "You understand him...". What are you understandings...? Let me also get it...
Mom: That I don't know... I only know that I have to be with you... either way...
Son: I know mom... I know you too have been wrap up in these fake relationships and unknown boundaries... Actually I don't blame any one of you... Its my curse to be here...
Dad: You listening..? (to mom)... How big he has turned...? Why don't you leave all of us and turn to a saint giving lectures how parents should be like? You are at that stage of your life where you think you are only the right person... and we all are fools.. who gave you birth, who made you educated... who made you what you are today now...
Son: Yes dad, this is my only curse... to be like that... to be honest and not to have guts to leave you people... because I have to take care of you, like you did for me...
Dad: Ohh... please.. no need to do that sir... let us leave at our own... let the destiny decide something for us.. don't try to be our caretaker.. we can do that...
Son: Now I can say that you don't understand anything at all what I am talking about...
Dad: You coward.. you don't have guts to leave... that is the fact...
Son: Yes... that is the fact dad.. I don't have guts to do that... I am a coward.... you are right... and you know what? I am like this because I care about you... and the only thing which is missing is... just understand me... listen to me...
Dad: I am leaving home right away... I can't be in this house anymore...
Son: Why you have to leave dad? It should be me... As per you... I am a shameless creature, dishonest and a lier... so what right I have to be in this house? I don't want you people to suffer because of me... I just can't do that...But the irony is... you will anyway suffer even if I will leave you... I know that... You are ready to suffer, but not to understand me... You are ready to giveup on me, rather to listen to me...
Dad: (Screamed) Yes!!! I am ready to suffer.. I will think that I had no son... Or he is dead!!!
Son: That is your problem... you are ready to accept that I am dead, rather then accept me as a living being... for your own reasons...
Dad: Enough... just go out of my sight...
Son: One day will come dad, when you will be questioning yourself... "What was the need to do all that... with my own son?" And I know you will have no answer for that... I will do whatever you want me to do...
Dad: I want nothing from you... I know you will not be happy..
Son: That is a relation... you know I will not be happy.. but you have to force me to do so...
Dad: You lier... I don't want to force you to do anything... I want you to either be happy with us, with all the decisions we are making for you, or just leave us...
Son: I can only guarantee one thing... I can't leave you like this... about hapiness, I can't commit to be happy with whatsoever decisions you will be making for me... you are not responsible for my sufferings or my happiness... Its very much my own decisions to be happy or not to be...
Dad: See... we can't win over him.. get out... or I will leave...
Son: Fine dad... you need not to leave... I am leaving.. I tried my best... if possible, please forgive me for all the pain I have given to you...
Mom: Son... there is no reason for me to see all this... (fainted)
Son: Mom.. wake up... please.. for God sake...
Dad: You idiot... leave her... this is all because of you...
Son: See dad... can you see that...? I think you got your reasons why I just can't leave... You are right... I am a coward... I have no guts to do that... you are my dad... you got it right...
Silence... till mom got conscious... and the life continued...
God Bless!!! If there some waiting... :)
Son: Nothing mom... What it is about?
Mom: Don't try to fool us... You know it is about your marriage...
Son: Oh, com'on mom... You have given birth to me... you know I don't want that...
Mom: But why...? And don't give me any of your most like reasons... "I can't do..."... "I don't know..." Its enough... enough of sufferings for all of us... either do it or leave us...
Son: How I can leave you...? How you can think like that...?
Mom: So do it... what is stopping you...? Give the reasons...
Son: Mom, The only reason I can give you is that I can't do it... You know me.. I just can't do... It will be a sin for me... with my soul
Mom: Sin...? What the hell is this now..? Have you done something wrong...?
Son: No mom.. I can't do anything wrong with anyone... that is how I am...
Mom: So tell me what it is all about... and be honest...
Son: Mom, it is right that as of now, I don't have anyone to look forward... there is no-one waiting for me... there is nothing I have done wrong with anyone... I just can't do it... I can't accept and think of any person if it comes to spend rest of my life with...
Mom: (Screamed) I have enough of this nonsense and movie dialogues... I need to know the reason... or if there is someone, tell me and I will try to do something about it...
Son: Mom... I swear on you... I am just all alone... I just can't be with anyone else... I am useless for anyone...
Mom: Stop all this nonsense and try to be sensible... Give me a reason why you can't do it, or if you have someone, why you are not able to tell me...
Son: Is everything you can say and explain in life? Can you explain God, air...? Can you explain everything in your life...?
Mom: Don't try to play with me... Tell me the truth...
Son: I never being this much honest in my life... I want to say... that I can't be with anyone else, and I can't tell you more than this, because I have nothing...
Mom: So what you are trying to do...? Kill all of us...? I know you are a cheater since your birth... you are the most dishonest person... to me, to your dad, to everyone... you are a born lier...
Son: Stop all this... why are you saying all this to me? I never do that mom... I never cheat anyone... Why I have to do this with you? I have no reason...
Mom: No, you have your reasons... you are too selfish and self centered to think about anyone else...
Son: So is it wrong to think about myself?
Mom: I don't want any argument with you, I know you will win anyways... I want the fact...
Son: Mom... the fact is... I can't cheat myself... I can't be a machine so that I can choose anyone in my life out of your choices and I spend my whole life like that... Trust me... I am being myself... I want to be honest and don't want to lie you... I just don't want any partner in this journey...
Mom: Okay... So we both, me and your dad, will be leaving tomorrow, or better today... and you will be free to do whatever you want to do...
Son: This is pathetic... why you have to do so? I should be the one who will be saying this to you... as you think I am wrong, I should be leaving the house...
Dad: Yes... you pathetic piece of shit... you should be leaving the house... why we should pay for your doings and your will. But in the end, whatever you will be doing, we will be the sufferrer... as the people, the society will say that he was their son... you have no identity, nobody who know you... we are your identity in this society... So, we will be the ultimate sufferer... do whatever you want to do... but then don't come to our graves... don't even show your face to us...
Mom: You please calm down.. let me talk to him...
Son: Why it is becoming a life deal for both of you if I don't want to do this...? What right you are giving to me about my life...? The decision should be mine... why you are making me so helpless and in this dilemma? Why you are threatening me like this rather then getting me, my point?
Dad: Because you have no point at all... your life is useless, you are a cheater, dishonest and untrustable person... You have no direction in your life... You are telling us to believe your belief... the belief for which you even can't provide a reason...
Son: I have no reason, that is right dad... but I have a belief in something which has a reason... and its not unreasonable... I know that... You are not believing me at this point... but I know, sometime, when you will be alone, when you will be talking to yourself... all of my these illogical reasons will turn logical to you... when you will be thinking about me as a person... a person who believed in something and how you broke his faith due to your unnecessary pressures... how due to your own selfishness and fear of your fake pride in the society, you made your own son to suffer like this... What all I am asking? I am asking to be alone... its not a deal for your life and death...
Dad: Enough of your lectures... Tell me what do you want...
Son: If you can't be a dad, atleast be a human... still you are asking what I want...?
Dad: (to mom) ... See... this is we have to get when we give the quality education to our children... This is the return... It was your plan to let him free and enjoy his life... and now, see what we have to get through...
Mom: Son... what is the issue...? Why you just can't listen to us now a days...?
Son: Mom... you gave me birth.. I know your innersole is telling you that you should set me free out of all this... atleast you understand me...
Mom: I understand you... but I can't stand against your dad...
Dad: (to mom) Ohh... so now you also turned like him... "You understand him...". What are you understandings...? Let me also get it...
Mom: That I don't know... I only know that I have to be with you... either way...
Son: I know mom... I know you too have been wrap up in these fake relationships and unknown boundaries... Actually I don't blame any one of you... Its my curse to be here...
Dad: You listening..? (to mom)... How big he has turned...? Why don't you leave all of us and turn to a saint giving lectures how parents should be like? You are at that stage of your life where you think you are only the right person... and we all are fools.. who gave you birth, who made you educated... who made you what you are today now...
Son: Yes dad, this is my only curse... to be like that... to be honest and not to have guts to leave you people... because I have to take care of you, like you did for me...
Dad: Ohh... please.. no need to do that sir... let us leave at our own... let the destiny decide something for us.. don't try to be our caretaker.. we can do that...
Son: Now I can say that you don't understand anything at all what I am talking about...
Dad: You coward.. you don't have guts to leave... that is the fact...
Son: Yes... that is the fact dad.. I don't have guts to do that... I am a coward.... you are right... and you know what? I am like this because I care about you... and the only thing which is missing is... just understand me... listen to me...
Dad: I am leaving home right away... I can't be in this house anymore...
Son: Why you have to leave dad? It should be me... As per you... I am a shameless creature, dishonest and a lier... so what right I have to be in this house? I don't want you people to suffer because of me... I just can't do that...But the irony is... you will anyway suffer even if I will leave you... I know that... You are ready to suffer, but not to understand me... You are ready to giveup on me, rather to listen to me...
Dad: (Screamed) Yes!!! I am ready to suffer.. I will think that I had no son... Or he is dead!!!
Son: That is your problem... you are ready to accept that I am dead, rather then accept me as a living being... for your own reasons...
Dad: Enough... just go out of my sight...
Son: One day will come dad, when you will be questioning yourself... "What was the need to do all that... with my own son?" And I know you will have no answer for that... I will do whatever you want me to do...
Dad: I want nothing from you... I know you will not be happy..
Son: That is a relation... you know I will not be happy.. but you have to force me to do so...
Dad: You lier... I don't want to force you to do anything... I want you to either be happy with us, with all the decisions we are making for you, or just leave us...
Son: I can only guarantee one thing... I can't leave you like this... about hapiness, I can't commit to be happy with whatsoever decisions you will be making for me... you are not responsible for my sufferings or my happiness... Its very much my own decisions to be happy or not to be...
Dad: See... we can't win over him.. get out... or I will leave...
Son: Fine dad... you need not to leave... I am leaving.. I tried my best... if possible, please forgive me for all the pain I have given to you...
Mom: Son... there is no reason for me to see all this... (fainted)
Son: Mom.. wake up... please.. for God sake...
Dad: You idiot... leave her... this is all because of you...
Son: See dad... can you see that...? I think you got your reasons why I just can't leave... You are right... I am a coward... I have no guts to do that... you are my dad... you got it right...
Silence... till mom got conscious... and the life continued...
God Bless!!! If there some waiting... :)
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