What is left...

A: This is really good dish
K: My mom prepared this..
A: I can say that this is the best upma I am having till now
K: Ahh!! I don't like this, even it is good..
A: K, I don't think someone can miss this food what your mom is preparing... I can say she is one of the finest cook...
K: Hmmm...
A: And I really want to learn something from her...
K: Yeah... I will invite all of you someday at home and then you can meet her...
A: That will be great...

6 months later...

AN: Hi K...
K: Hey...
AN: How are you...?
K: I am fine.. hey, why don't you come to my home today...? Let's have get together...
AN: That will be perfect K... however its too late today... can we plan it tomorrow...?
K: Okay... not a problem... but make sure you will come tomorrow...
AN: Yes, I will co-ordinate with everyone...
K: Okay... bye for now...

Some Tuesday...

K: So you people are coming for a dinner right...?
AN: Yes K, I have communicated and we are all set...
K: Perfect...

She was cooking the best of her food that evening...
She was very excited...
She was thinking that she is going to meet the people she might have heard of at times... on and off...
She forgot to mention the severe headache she was suffering through since last two days...
Anyways everybody thought that this might be normal to have common health issues at the age of 62... Like headache...
And with the course of time and excitement in meeting the people, she was just cooking...

AN Called...

AN: Hi K... we are about to reach... can you confirm your address please...?
K: Its this... and please bring some soft drink with you...
AN: Okay fine, we will take care of this...

PL: We have reached K... we are parking the car...
K: That's fine... just park it somewhere... But I don't know what happened suddenly... my mom got unconscious... she may be fine in sometime... might be just a panic attack...
PL: Ohh... don't worry, she will be fine... we are just coming inside...
K: Okay...

A: Hi K... what happened...? Why she got unconscious...?
K: I don't know man... its quite sometime she is not responding... Anyways, you enjoy your food... We, family, are taking care of it... and please I am sorry not to give you proper time..
A: Please, that is fine... a person is more important then giving us the time... you don't worry and take care of your mom..
K: Okay.. You people eat something... I will join you soon.. I hope she will become conscious soon and will be fine...
A: Don't worry at all... everything will be fine... she will be okay...
K: Thanks...

Doc: She has a brain hamerage...
K got a shock...
She was just fine...
She was preparing food...
She was excited about meeting people...
People wanted to meet her...
And now, she was in deep sleep... coma... question mark...
She can't move... she can't do anything...

K: She is gone now...
A: K, we are very sorry for your lose... just do let us know what we can do.. anything...
K: Sure... I will let you people know...
A: Please... and we are coming just now to you...
K: Okay...

It never happened when they would have got a chance to meet the person whom cooked food they had at times...
It never happened that she would have listened the last words what the near and dear ones wanted to say to her..
It was a click...
Everything changed just like that...
People were shocked more then worried…

Its been like this always...
No-one knows what is waiting for him/her next moment...
Finish everything... say everything whatever you want to say to anyone...
Show your love... show your affection...
And if you are not attached to the materialistic stuff, then don't cry at all when someone goes...
But if one is attached, the time is now to let someone know how much you love and care to someone...
There is no next moment waiting...
And if it is waiting, then it will not last forever...
Don’t take chances... by fighting... by showing their anger...
Cause when someone goes... leaves this body, they left with nothing but regret...
Why I have not done this... why I have not done that...
And if someone had done the things at the right time without waiting... if someone would have told the people what they mean to him/her, then there is no regret s/he have to face...
Atleast with the less density...
That is how we are...
In this matrix of relationships...
Emotions... love... hatred...connections... whatever...

The time is now...
No matter what you are doing...

I am still wandering between the thoughts what is it...
What one is missing, what can be missed…
Wheel of life...
What one have to enjoy... what all a person can have to enjoy... what one have to wait for...
If this is it, then why we are bothered at all...
And if we are bothered then why we are not doing anything about it...
Don't know what we are after...
Don't know what was there.. what is there... what it will be and how...
What is left... what has to be left…
Nohing...
So why we are like that if there is nothing...
The only reason I can think of is we have to be like this...
Things happen and we regret, we get sad and then we have to become normal...
And then we say... "That is how life is..."
We keep answering ourself...

I still remember the best upma I had…
May God bless the soul...

26 - a date

Sometimes some day can't change anything but some dates do...

We remember everything by dates and not generally by the day...

The birthday date, the death day date, the marriage date, the divorce date, the meeting date...

Date has an impact on everything which gives us happiness or sadness...

And dates can't be forgiven, at times...

A person are, but not dates...

We created it like that... not to be unforgiving...

Some dates bring us peace, happiness, good memories, good time we spend...

some dates brings us sorrow, sadness, guilt and give us the reason for remembering the intentional and unintentional sins we had committed...

Wheel of time never stops, but leaves us with the dates we lived in, we played as a participant in a particular date...

And as per Shakespeare, what is done can't be undone... and that doing or not doing, for whatsoever reasons leaves us a date in our memory...

We recall the dates and the moments we spent in that...

We recollect the memories, the people we spent our time and share the things...

We call it as a memory because it can't come back...

It already gone and fix its face within a specific date... gives us a reason to rejoice, tears...

gives us one of the sin of wrath sometimes...

Wondering when one passed away, whether the dates gone with the person or not...

Whether only the committed sins or good things done goes with the soul or nothing...

Whether a broken memory and dried tears makes any difference to the soul or it is just a physical phenomena we have to suffer with...

Weather the date of our departure just get recorded somewhere in someone's memory or it comes with the soul..

Many questions wandering with no answers... but the recording is o its pace... the date...

I have one with me...

Today's... 26-01...

I call it a black day... a sin I committed... deadly one...

With which I have to live with... and die with...

No matter what... just can't get out of my mind...

But as said earlier, intentional or unintentional... you have to live with it...

This is the date I entered in sin city... to play a role of devil's advocate...

Cause of the reason everyone have...

to grow, to earn, to live a good life... or atleast being in an idea of good life...

But I left the good life on this date...

I left everything which mattered to me a lot...

And here I am...

I left... and the same moment unknowingly I gave an Acedia... a state of listlessness, of not caring but to myself and not being concerned with one's position or condition...

And now here... sitting alone... thinking about it... I have nothing in my hands rather then the heavy expectation which has been burdened on me...

I have a date... with me...

Till my end I will have it...

As what is done, can't be undone...

Every moment you are passing, doing anything, can't be undone...

So choose carelessly... without applying your mind and by using your heart...

You want to rejoice a date with someone or you want to regret it sitting alone...

26-01... should not happen!!!
You can deal with anything but not with yourself...

You can fight with anything but not with yourself...

Watch.. the date is laughing at you... sometime...

A hangover lasts a day, but our drunken memories last a lifetime... Unknown!!!

God will not bless anyways, for 26th!!!

Just like that...

Feel nothing...

No Eyes, no Ears, no Nose, no Tongue, no Body, no Mind.
No Seeing, no Hearing, no Smelling, no Tasting,
No color, sound, smell, taste, touch, phenomena.
No realm of sight, no realm of consciousness,
No Form, no Feeling, no Thought,
No Volition, no Consciousness.
No Touching, no Thinking;
No world of Sight.
No world of Consciousness;
No Ignorance and no end to Ignorance;
No Old Age and Death and no end to Old Age and Death.
No Suffering, no Craving, no Extinction, no Path;
No Wisdom, no Attainment
Not born, not destroyed,
Not stained, not pure; without loss, without gain.
So in emptiness there is no form, no sensation, conception, discrimination, awareness


No ignorance and no end to ignorance.
No old age and death and no end to old age and death.
No suffering, no cause of suffering. No extinguishing, no path,
No wisdom and no gain. No gain and thus
With no hindrance in the mind, no hindrance, therefore no fear;
Far beyond deluded thoughts, this is Nirvana



Budhha...





All night I could not sleep
because of the moonlight on my bed.
I kept on hearing a voice calling:
Out of Nowhere, Nothing answered "yes."

- Zi Ye, Collection of Chinese Folk Songs
6th-3rd century B.C.E.

सूर्य

कोई स्ट्रीट लाईट बल्ब नही है, ये स्त्रोत है हमारी परम ऊर्जा का...

सबसे प्रख्यात, प्रधान और सबसे महत्वपुर्ण स्थान रखते है सुर्य इस सॊर मण्डल मे!
सबसे बडी वस्तु और ९८% सॊर मण्डल का भार समाया है इनमे!
इनकी चक्रिका मे समाने के लिये १०९ और इनके अन्तर मे आने के लिए १० लाख पृथ्वी चहिये!

Mankind will not remain on Earth forever, but in its quest for light and space will at first timidly penetrate beyond the confines of the atmosphere, and later will conquer for itself all the space near the Sun. - Konstantin E. Tsiolkovsky

पहली कोशिश...

अभी कुछ दिनो से हिन्दी ब्लोग्स और कवितायॆ पढ्ना शुरु किया है... बहुत अच्छा लगा! अभी एक सोफ़्ट्वेयर के माध्यम से कोशिश कर रहा हू कुछ हिन्दी मॆ पोस्ट करने का, त्रुटिय़ा होगी ही, परन्तु शायद इसी तरहा त्रुटिय़ॊ के माध्यम से क्या पता कोई सम्पूर्ण और अच्छी बात निकल आये...

कोई अत्यधिक महत्वपुर्ण बात नही है अभी कहने या बताने के लिऎ, बस ऐसे ही ताना-बाना बुनने की कोशिश की है जो कुछ भी अभी चेतन-अव्चेतन मन मे चल रहा है! कुछ बाते जो कभी सोच कर दुखः प्रकट कर लेता हू, कभी किन्ही विचारो मे डूब कर अपना रास्ता भूल जाता हू! बात माने तो कुछ भी ना-पते की होते हुए पते की है, और नही है तो शायद कुछ भी नही है! फ़ैसला अपना-अपना सुरक्षित है!

सन्स्कार और संस्कृति

कल राह मे चलते-चलते ऐसे ही रेडिओ पर ये शब्द सुने! यही दो शब्द जिसमे लगता है कि सारा पारिवारिक, सामाजिक और धरा का मुल सुख चिपा हुआ है! यही दो शब्द है जिन्हे सुनते और समझते हुए इन्सान ने कितने ही रिश्तो, कितने ही नातो, और कितनी ही भवनाओ को ना जाने कितनी ही बार ताक पे रखा है और कितनी ही बार कत्ल किया है! कुछ थेकेदारो ने तो संस्कृति के नाम पे एक नया अध्याय भी शुरु किया हुआ है, जो इतना प्रचलित हुआ कि एक फ़िल्म भी बनी उसपे... "honour killing" ... उस सभ्यता और संस्कृति के नाम पे कत्ल जिसे ना तो इनमे से किसी ठेकेदार ने बनाया है, और ना ही खुद कभी परिपक्व और समझदार होके पालन ही किया है!

अब "honour killing" मे नया इज़ाफ़ा हुआ है समय के साथ-साथ, "emotional killing". ये शायद इस "honour killing" का ही एक्स्टेन्डॆड वर्ज़ेन है, परन्तु देखने मे आया है कि इसका रुप "honour killing" से भी अधिक खतरनाक ऒर विभत्स है! "honour killing" मे किसी को एक बार मार दिया जाता है, परन्तु इसके एक्स्टेन्डॆड वर्ज़ेन मे तिल-तिल कर मारने का प्रचलन है!

बात करते है कुछ इमानदारी की. कि या तो आपको किसी भी तरीके से इमानदार होने नही दिया जायेगा, और अगर हुए तो इमानदार रहने नही दिये जाने की एक अनोखी अनजानी सी पवीत्र कसम से बिना कुछ बोले जकड दिया जाएगा! बहुत छोटी सी बात को समझने के लिये जो आडम्बर और स्वान्ग रचे जाते है, कोई ही विरला उस पीडा से मेहरुम रहा हो!

"emotional killing" मे एक बात और जो सामने आती है, वो है किसी अपने प्रिये की बिमारी! टेन्श्न से माइग्रएन, वोमिट, हर्ट पेन, नीन्द ना आना, बुरे स्वपन इत्यादि का आजकल बहुत चलन है! और इन सबके उपरान्त भी अपनी बात को मनवाने के लिये खाना ना खाने का भी अत्यधिक उपयोग किया जा रहा है! मुद्दे कि बात ये कि ये पुराने तरीके इतने पुख्ता और मज़बूत है कि आज भी कामगार सिध है! ऒल्ड ईज़ गोल्ड!

अगर थोडा ध्यान से अध्यन्न किया जाये और समझने कि कोशिश ना सही, बस सोचा जाये समझने के बारे मे, तो बात इतनी कठिन भी नही है, बस रिश्तो की बुनियादे गलत पड चुकी है शायद. थोडी सी मेहनत और समझदारी से अगर काम लिया जाये, तो बात बन सकती है. परन्तु कुछ दुर्भाग्यवश काफी लोगो के लिये देर हो चुकी होती है! और उसपे सुहागा ये कि भुक्त्भोगी भी इसी बात पर यकीन करना शुरु कर देता है कि शायाद सुबहो कि किरण अभी बहुत दूर है!

खाफ़ी खानापुर्ति के बाद नतीजा मुझे तो हरिवन्श राय बच्चन जी कि एक कविता कि और ले जाता है जिसका एक छःन्द नीचे प्रस्तुत है! (आशा है कि अमिताभ जी नाराज़ नही होन्गे, उन्हे पसन्द नही है कि कोई भी ऐसे ही अपने लेख को आकर्षित बनाने के लिये हरिवन्श जी की कविताओ का प्रयोग करे! और मै भी उनसे इस बात पे पुरी सहमति रखता हू. परन्तु अपनी पहली कोशिश की शुरुआत तो मै फ़िर भी उनकी एक कविता के छ्न्द से ही करना चाहूगा)


मैं छिपाना जानता तो
जग मुझे साधु समझता,
शत्रु मेरा बन गया है
छल रहित व्यवहार मेरा

सन्स्कार और संस्कृति पे और भी बहुत कुछ है चर्चा करने के लिये, अगर शेष नही रखा, तो ज़्यादा रहेगा नही लिखने के लिए!

शुभ

Cirumstantial and Relative

I had been finding the words to express some things I had been thinking a lot. And during my search, I figured out that somewhere we failed and been failing ourselves for being conditional and relative.

Everything has been broken, here and there and no one but we only are responsible for this. Things have been turned circumstantial, relative, confusing, complicated and conditional. Conditions in any relationship.

I have been finding a whole new world all around, since the time I have turned 'honest' or atleast, 'trying to be honest'. Nothing is free, and one have to pay for it. I have to let everything go now, for the reason of being a human. I have to pay for every relation, for being a human and have to be responsible for everything.

Inside, its nothing and a state of 'blank', unanswered questions, unresolved issues.

I am looking at the relationships, love and attachments I share with people. If you are acting and doing according to them, you are the best in all. If you are not doing and acting according to those, if you are adverse of their thoughts, you are the worst person. They forget everything you have done for them in the past and you are in the question of even close to them, if you don't agree.

I am just letting it go, no matter what had happened, what is happening and what will happen, because nothing is getting changed after all. And nothing will change. Change I have seen only in the relationships. I have seen how relationships get change when one don't get agree with them. I have seen the foundation of relationships on the basis of agreements. I have seen how people turns a person up and down on the basis of fake relationships. See the foundation of our relationships, see how strong it is.

There is some mistake we have done while understanding the facts. And there is always a time comes when you have to pay for it.

Its after spring season, I am very cold at this moment, cold from inside. I am looking at the fan on the roof, running. Its like the wheel of life, motion, everytime. I am numb, looking at it. Its not less then a miracle that I am still thinking. I am still thinking and experiencing the wheel of life. Mine being motionless is not affecting this wheel. It has to move and go on, irrespective of anything. I got uncomfortable inside this room, just walked out, but its evening. Sunset is making me more conducive...

I have to go now, its time...

God Bless!!!