26 - a date

Sometimes some day can't change anything but some dates do...

We remember everything by dates and not generally by the day...

The birthday date, the death day date, the marriage date, the divorce date, the meeting date...

Date has an impact on everything which gives us happiness or sadness...

And dates can't be forgiven, at times...

A person are, but not dates...

We created it like that... not to be unforgiving...

Some dates bring us peace, happiness, good memories, good time we spend...

some dates brings us sorrow, sadness, guilt and give us the reason for remembering the intentional and unintentional sins we had committed...

Wheel of time never stops, but leaves us with the dates we lived in, we played as a participant in a particular date...

And as per Shakespeare, what is done can't be undone... and that doing or not doing, for whatsoever reasons leaves us a date in our memory...

We recall the dates and the moments we spent in that...

We recollect the memories, the people we spent our time and share the things...

We call it as a memory because it can't come back...

It already gone and fix its face within a specific date... gives us a reason to rejoice, tears...

gives us one of the sin of wrath sometimes...

Wondering when one passed away, whether the dates gone with the person or not...

Whether only the committed sins or good things done goes with the soul or nothing...

Whether a broken memory and dried tears makes any difference to the soul or it is just a physical phenomena we have to suffer with...

Weather the date of our departure just get recorded somewhere in someone's memory or it comes with the soul..

Many questions wandering with no answers... but the recording is o its pace... the date...

I have one with me...

Today's... 26-01...

I call it a black day... a sin I committed... deadly one...

With which I have to live with... and die with...

No matter what... just can't get out of my mind...

But as said earlier, intentional or unintentional... you have to live with it...

This is the date I entered in sin city... to play a role of devil's advocate...

Cause of the reason everyone have...

to grow, to earn, to live a good life... or atleast being in an idea of good life...

But I left the good life on this date...

I left everything which mattered to me a lot...

And here I am...

I left... and the same moment unknowingly I gave an Acedia... a state of listlessness, of not caring but to myself and not being concerned with one's position or condition...

And now here... sitting alone... thinking about it... I have nothing in my hands rather then the heavy expectation which has been burdened on me...

I have a date... with me...

Till my end I will have it...

As what is done, can't be undone...

Every moment you are passing, doing anything, can't be undone...

So choose carelessly... without applying your mind and by using your heart...

You want to rejoice a date with someone or you want to regret it sitting alone...

26-01... should not happen!!!
You can deal with anything but not with yourself...

You can fight with anything but not with yourself...

Watch.. the date is laughing at you... sometime...

A hangover lasts a day, but our drunken memories last a lifetime... Unknown!!!

God will not bless anyways, for 26th!!!

Just like that...

Feel nothing...

No Eyes, no Ears, no Nose, no Tongue, no Body, no Mind.
No Seeing, no Hearing, no Smelling, no Tasting,
No color, sound, smell, taste, touch, phenomena.
No realm of sight, no realm of consciousness,
No Form, no Feeling, no Thought,
No Volition, no Consciousness.
No Touching, no Thinking;
No world of Sight.
No world of Consciousness;
No Ignorance and no end to Ignorance;
No Old Age and Death and no end to Old Age and Death.
No Suffering, no Craving, no Extinction, no Path;
No Wisdom, no Attainment
Not born, not destroyed,
Not stained, not pure; without loss, without gain.
So in emptiness there is no form, no sensation, conception, discrimination, awareness


No ignorance and no end to ignorance.
No old age and death and no end to old age and death.
No suffering, no cause of suffering. No extinguishing, no path,
No wisdom and no gain. No gain and thus
With no hindrance in the mind, no hindrance, therefore no fear;
Far beyond deluded thoughts, this is Nirvana



Budhha...





All night I could not sleep
because of the moonlight on my bed.
I kept on hearing a voice calling:
Out of Nowhere, Nothing answered "yes."

- Zi Ye, Collection of Chinese Folk Songs
6th-3rd century B.C.E.

सूर्य

कोई स्ट्रीट लाईट बल्ब नही है, ये स्त्रोत है हमारी परम ऊर्जा का...

सबसे प्रख्यात, प्रधान और सबसे महत्वपुर्ण स्थान रखते है सुर्य इस सॊर मण्डल मे!
सबसे बडी वस्तु और ९८% सॊर मण्डल का भार समाया है इनमे!
इनकी चक्रिका मे समाने के लिये १०९ और इनके अन्तर मे आने के लिए १० लाख पृथ्वी चहिये!

Mankind will not remain on Earth forever, but in its quest for light and space will at first timidly penetrate beyond the confines of the atmosphere, and later will conquer for itself all the space near the Sun. - Konstantin E. Tsiolkovsky

पहली कोशिश...

अभी कुछ दिनो से हिन्दी ब्लोग्स और कवितायॆ पढ्ना शुरु किया है... बहुत अच्छा लगा! अभी एक सोफ़्ट्वेयर के माध्यम से कोशिश कर रहा हू कुछ हिन्दी मॆ पोस्ट करने का, त्रुटिय़ा होगी ही, परन्तु शायद इसी तरहा त्रुटिय़ॊ के माध्यम से क्या पता कोई सम्पूर्ण और अच्छी बात निकल आये...

कोई अत्यधिक महत्वपुर्ण बात नही है अभी कहने या बताने के लिऎ, बस ऐसे ही ताना-बाना बुनने की कोशिश की है जो कुछ भी अभी चेतन-अव्चेतन मन मे चल रहा है! कुछ बाते जो कभी सोच कर दुखः प्रकट कर लेता हू, कभी किन्ही विचारो मे डूब कर अपना रास्ता भूल जाता हू! बात माने तो कुछ भी ना-पते की होते हुए पते की है, और नही है तो शायद कुछ भी नही है! फ़ैसला अपना-अपना सुरक्षित है!

सन्स्कार और संस्कृति

कल राह मे चलते-चलते ऐसे ही रेडिओ पर ये शब्द सुने! यही दो शब्द जिसमे लगता है कि सारा पारिवारिक, सामाजिक और धरा का मुल सुख चिपा हुआ है! यही दो शब्द है जिन्हे सुनते और समझते हुए इन्सान ने कितने ही रिश्तो, कितने ही नातो, और कितनी ही भवनाओ को ना जाने कितनी ही बार ताक पे रखा है और कितनी ही बार कत्ल किया है! कुछ थेकेदारो ने तो संस्कृति के नाम पे एक नया अध्याय भी शुरु किया हुआ है, जो इतना प्रचलित हुआ कि एक फ़िल्म भी बनी उसपे... "honour killing" ... उस सभ्यता और संस्कृति के नाम पे कत्ल जिसे ना तो इनमे से किसी ठेकेदार ने बनाया है, और ना ही खुद कभी परिपक्व और समझदार होके पालन ही किया है!

अब "honour killing" मे नया इज़ाफ़ा हुआ है समय के साथ-साथ, "emotional killing". ये शायद इस "honour killing" का ही एक्स्टेन्डॆड वर्ज़ेन है, परन्तु देखने मे आया है कि इसका रुप "honour killing" से भी अधिक खतरनाक ऒर विभत्स है! "honour killing" मे किसी को एक बार मार दिया जाता है, परन्तु इसके एक्स्टेन्डॆड वर्ज़ेन मे तिल-तिल कर मारने का प्रचलन है!

बात करते है कुछ इमानदारी की. कि या तो आपको किसी भी तरीके से इमानदार होने नही दिया जायेगा, और अगर हुए तो इमानदार रहने नही दिये जाने की एक अनोखी अनजानी सी पवीत्र कसम से बिना कुछ बोले जकड दिया जाएगा! बहुत छोटी सी बात को समझने के लिये जो आडम्बर और स्वान्ग रचे जाते है, कोई ही विरला उस पीडा से मेहरुम रहा हो!

"emotional killing" मे एक बात और जो सामने आती है, वो है किसी अपने प्रिये की बिमारी! टेन्श्न से माइग्रएन, वोमिट, हर्ट पेन, नीन्द ना आना, बुरे स्वपन इत्यादि का आजकल बहुत चलन है! और इन सबके उपरान्त भी अपनी बात को मनवाने के लिये खाना ना खाने का भी अत्यधिक उपयोग किया जा रहा है! मुद्दे कि बात ये कि ये पुराने तरीके इतने पुख्ता और मज़बूत है कि आज भी कामगार सिध है! ऒल्ड ईज़ गोल्ड!

अगर थोडा ध्यान से अध्यन्न किया जाये और समझने कि कोशिश ना सही, बस सोचा जाये समझने के बारे मे, तो बात इतनी कठिन भी नही है, बस रिश्तो की बुनियादे गलत पड चुकी है शायद. थोडी सी मेहनत और समझदारी से अगर काम लिया जाये, तो बात बन सकती है. परन्तु कुछ दुर्भाग्यवश काफी लोगो के लिये देर हो चुकी होती है! और उसपे सुहागा ये कि भुक्त्भोगी भी इसी बात पर यकीन करना शुरु कर देता है कि शायाद सुबहो कि किरण अभी बहुत दूर है!

खाफ़ी खानापुर्ति के बाद नतीजा मुझे तो हरिवन्श राय बच्चन जी कि एक कविता कि और ले जाता है जिसका एक छःन्द नीचे प्रस्तुत है! (आशा है कि अमिताभ जी नाराज़ नही होन्गे, उन्हे पसन्द नही है कि कोई भी ऐसे ही अपने लेख को आकर्षित बनाने के लिये हरिवन्श जी की कविताओ का प्रयोग करे! और मै भी उनसे इस बात पे पुरी सहमति रखता हू. परन्तु अपनी पहली कोशिश की शुरुआत तो मै फ़िर भी उनकी एक कविता के छ्न्द से ही करना चाहूगा)


मैं छिपाना जानता तो
जग मुझे साधु समझता,
शत्रु मेरा बन गया है
छल रहित व्यवहार मेरा

सन्स्कार और संस्कृति पे और भी बहुत कुछ है चर्चा करने के लिये, अगर शेष नही रखा, तो ज़्यादा रहेगा नही लिखने के लिए!

शुभ

Cirumstantial and Relative

I had been finding the words to express some things I had been thinking a lot. And during my search, I figured out that somewhere we failed and been failing ourselves for being conditional and relative.

Everything has been broken, here and there and no one but we only are responsible for this. Things have been turned circumstantial, relative, confusing, complicated and conditional. Conditions in any relationship.

I have been finding a whole new world all around, since the time I have turned 'honest' or atleast, 'trying to be honest'. Nothing is free, and one have to pay for it. I have to let everything go now, for the reason of being a human. I have to pay for every relation, for being a human and have to be responsible for everything.

Inside, its nothing and a state of 'blank', unanswered questions, unresolved issues.

I am looking at the relationships, love and attachments I share with people. If you are acting and doing according to them, you are the best in all. If you are not doing and acting according to those, if you are adverse of their thoughts, you are the worst person. They forget everything you have done for them in the past and you are in the question of even close to them, if you don't agree.

I am just letting it go, no matter what had happened, what is happening and what will happen, because nothing is getting changed after all. And nothing will change. Change I have seen only in the relationships. I have seen how relationships get change when one don't get agree with them. I have seen the foundation of relationships on the basis of agreements. I have seen how people turns a person up and down on the basis of fake relationships. See the foundation of our relationships, see how strong it is.

There is some mistake we have done while understanding the facts. And there is always a time comes when you have to pay for it.

Its after spring season, I am very cold at this moment, cold from inside. I am looking at the fan on the roof, running. Its like the wheel of life, motion, everytime. I am numb, looking at it. Its not less then a miracle that I am still thinking. I am still thinking and experiencing the wheel of life. Mine being motionless is not affecting this wheel. It has to move and go on, irrespective of anything. I got uncomfortable inside this room, just walked out, but its evening. Sunset is making me more conducive...

I have to go now, its time...

God Bless!!!

The Birth and the Day

A child take birth, a family get extended, happiness spreads everywhere, newly turned mother get tears in her eyes, grandparents feel on the top of the world, newly turned father feel so proud on this pro-creation, its blossom and autumn everywhere, with the birth of the child. Mother's first thought after looking on the child would be... I will love and protect this child, I will give everything to that child even if she have to die or will have to do anything for it. The first thought...But with all this course, one more thing take birth... expectation. Expectation of fulfilment of dreams, parents dreams, grandparents dreams, everyone involves. Hope and expectation are the two procreation of the same human kind, however, most of the people can't make a difference out of it. There is a very thin line of control between these two, loosely impossible to maintain, it get mixed up. Getting hopeful about a child would have been a blessing, things turns wrong when expectations take over.

No-one is exempted here... no-one is different. Set of rules had been made long back. The education one get, the knowledge one gain, the childhood one spend in the shadow of motherhood, the hidden expectations are growing. And they blast some day or the other, whenever required. There is no hope for the good, there are always expectations all around. Understanding is waiting to get its space and recognition.

With the growing child, parenthood takes its own shape according to time. Expectations makes their own faces and one get treated accordingly. The stories one child read in the books sometime, writing one, another time. When the cause of education turns into a bulky salary expectation, a child never knows of it.

One day for sure has always been given... the birthday. To spend time with friends, happiness in the family, party, gifts. That has also been taken as one year plus to the expectation. We forget the real cause, the real gift we can provide to a child. Healthy thoughts, being responsible towards family and this world, being in the search of a constant happiness, in the state of it. A birth has been a central point of expectations and a birthday is a stamp on it.

My day was never been an occasion, but just a recap of what I had done last year, before I turned one more year older. I never took any resolutions (except once) and now at this point of time, I always feel that one more year when I spend, it should always make me one year more responsible for everything. I had been told and burdened about being responsible, however, that was quite self centric. Now I feel a wider space and more things plus more cause towards what I feel more responsible.


In this unlimited space of time and universe, a birth is a hope, a ray of hope that something good is still there and we have to nurture this hope, not with the expectation, but with the understanding and responsibility towards everything, the first and the basic, towards ourselves, a good start. O child, your birth is not less then a miracle, you are such an extraordinary gift to the world, I believe you always deserved to hear these words, with hope.

One more year has been passed...
One more year has been started...
People have grown more expectations...
I see the actions and reactions on this day...
I am looking at the different faces, different relations I share with people here...
I can feel the extorted mind of mine to experience the another year of unexperienced things...

Its a birthday, the day of birth!!!

The idea should be of being hopeful about your child and not to give him/her a burden of your heavy expectations. Think about setting him free from all the fears you always had and have, set him free from all the rituals, from all the cast, creed and religion, so that in the end, s/he should be proud to be your son/daughter... nurture him/her with his/her basic nature... how s/he is now in his childhood, pure and free of all human made boundries, thought process... that I consider the best birthday gift, year after year.



Fly free and happy beyond birthdays and across forever, and we'll meet now and then when we wish, in the midst of the one celebration that never can end...


~Richard Bach



There is something in every one of you that waits and listens for the sound of the genuine in yourself. It is the only true guide you will ever have. And if you cannot hear it, you will all of your life spend your days on the ends of strings that somebody else pulls.

~Howard Thurman


One of my favorite lyrics:


Sit by my side, come as close as the air
Share in a memory of gray
Wander in my words,
dream about the pictures
That I play of changes
Green leaves of summer turn red in the fall
To brown and to yellow they fade
And then they have to die,
trapped within
The circle time parade of changes
Scenes of my young years were warm in my mind
Visions of shadows that shine
'Til one day I returned and found they were the
Victims of the vines of changes
The world's spinning madly,
it drifts in the dark
Swings through a hollow of haze
A race around the stars,
a journey through
The universe ablaze with changes
Moments of magic will glow in the night
All fears of the forest are gone
But when the morning breaks they're swept away by
Golden drops of dawn, of changes
Passions will part to a strange melody
As fires will sometimes burn cold
Like petals in the wind, we're puppets to the silver
Strings of souls, of changes
Your tears will be trembling, now we're somewhere else
One last cup of wine we will pour
And I'll kiss you one more time,
and leave you onThe rolling river shores of changes
So sit by my side, come as close as the air
Share in a memory of gray
Wander in my words, dream about the pictures
That I play of changes

**Written on 7th Oct, posted on 8th.

God Bless!!!