Thursday, May 9, 2013

The things and the matters...

I wonder sometimes for the things and for the matters too!! On a soft note, esp for the things which matters a lot!!! How someone can turn so selfish so that he get everything on behalf of someone else life? On someone else pain? On someoneelse health and beautifulness? I know one person who do that quite oftenly... very oftenly. But does it matter how that person feels like for the things he do? I don't know the force behind it, neither the ageanda. For sure he is not a killer, for sure he is not emotionless, for sure he doesn't want anything bad should happen to anyone. But how does it matter? What matters is he do it, on the count of someone's hapiness, and he do it repeatedly. To the one person and to the another... everyday!!


Life have many unanswered questions, and more answers to which there are no questions. Having things in mind going around that how someone is able to live for so many years without a proper sleep? Without giving rest to his heart and mind? In search of something which he don't know. He want to do a lot so that nobody can even think about. He meet so many people, try to understand the unsolved mystery of the science of the life but get confused with the life of the science, being a person who wants everyone happy by doing all the sort of things which eventually doesn't matter to anyone. No words to define the situation but one try, caught in his own web, caught in his own questions and answers.


The moral in the end he get that even he can satisfy himself for anything, life would have been bit easy. And without convincing himself, without being happy himself, how he is trying to make anyone happy?


I watched a movie, forgot the name, but like the last dialogue the most... "Kuch log aise hi hote hain, kuch nhi kaar sakte". Its being a situation like that. He is like that. what else he can do but just trying? What else is left to be tried?



Life is a trap of your own words. Finding questions, giving answers to yourself. Life is, for few, a beautiful thing, for few, a dream, for few, a mystery, for few, a question, and for few, just life!!! So be it. Everyone has discoveries of life, and few have inventions, for the definition of their life. But for so many, even today, it is left as a mystery, miserable mystery.

What else matters, or nothing else matter, to be or not to be, many questions, many philosophies...


In the end, nothing comes to the conclusion... practical people are safe people... it just goes on!! But still, they too miss one answer... what goes on? Is it life or them?



So the question and the title of the post still remains unanswered: "What matters? The thing or the matter after the thing or just matter?"


For me, its the thing, for few, it what the matters. I find myself very helpless and weak in this paradox, many times. And in the end, I have to just be quiet and let it go. Yes, its a personal choice what should matter, but how we make our choices? Heart, mind, results, experiences? As per me, its nothing. Its just being. You want to do something but you can't, you are just being... You want to run but you can't, because its just being...you want something and you can have it, but you can't, because of just being...



I know its easy to get bore by reading craps, and tough to splve the web and the threads of anyone's mind, but that it is, that is the thing...


Be good!!

Friday, January 18, 2013

Maa

                            


This is for my first love, my granny... who is the biggest reason behind what I am and how I am... More for my granny here at Granny's day out


Maa kab itnee boodhi ho gayee pataa hee nahee chalaa...
pataa hi nahi chala ki kab chahare ki khaal ne jhurriyon kaa daaman thaam liyaa aur maa ke chahare par kaee nadiyon ki dhaaraao ki tarahaa phail gayien...
Maa ne kai baar mujhe kahaa vaapas ghar aane ke liye... Delhi me rahane ke liye...
mujhe kabhi pataa hi nahi chalaa ki wo mujhe hameshaa apane paas rakhanaa chahatee thi...
hameshaa chahti thi ki jab bhi unhe apne daato kaa kaam karaanaa ho, to mai unake saath rahoo...
jab bhi unhe koi jodo ke dard ki takleef ho, to mai unake x-ray karaaun...
aaj bhi maa ki photo dekhataa hoon to unkee aankho me wahi sawaal... "Daato ke daakktar ke chale...?"
unaki lagabhag sabhi tasveero me unake nakli daant zarur dikhate hain... jaise unhe dikhaa ke vo mujhe hasaane ki koshish kar rahi ho...
hansi aa bhi jaati hai bahut baar... topic hi hot thaa, unke daant...

Maa ne kabhi bhi hame pareshaan hone kaa mauka nahi diyaa...
ham maukaa dhoondhate bhi the to vo us mauke ko dandaa maar ke bhagaa deti thi...
bahut koshish karte the ham kabhi-kabhi apani maa ko haai profile Maa banaane ka...
jaise aaj-kal seerials me haai profile maayien hoti hain, dependent types...
jin kaa bahut dhyaan rakhaa jaataa hai, jinke bolne se pehle hi unhe har cheez laake de di jaati hai,
jin ke liye ghar ke andar hi sabhi sukh-suvidhaao kaa implementation kiyaa jaataa hai...
par vo meri Maa thi, kathor, independent...

Ek dam apane balboote par jine wali... binaa kisi dipendencies ke... binaa kisi ki help ke...
jab tak jaan gale me naa atak jaaye, tab tak sab khud karanaa, binaa kisi ki madad liye hue...
jo aurat heart-attack ke tisare din hi fir se kaam karane lage, use aap kahaa tak sahara dene ki baat sochoge...

ek cheez jo mujhe bahut achchhe se yaad hai aur shaayad zehen mein itni basi hui hai ki nikalna bhi chaahoo to nahi nikalegi...
aur vo hai mere bachpan me maa ko kaam karate hue dekhane ki dhundhali tasveerein...
maa jab bhais kaa dudh nikalati thi to mujhe aawaaz lagaa leti thi...
aur fir baalti se pehle doodh ki dhaar seedhaa mere muh me...
itanaa taazaa dudh ki aaj 25 saal baad bhee usakaa swaad mere muh me basaa huaa hai...
fir vo maa kaa raai se doodh bilonaa...
vo haree ki aanch me doodh garam karna...
vo sookhi lakadiyo ke chhote chhote dher ikatthaa karate rehna chulhe ki aanch ke liye...
vo Chakki pees kar aataa nikaalanaa...

Maa ke transformation ki bhi gawahi de sakti hain meri yadein...
Jaise vo haath ki chakki electric chakki mein badal jana aur Maa ka fir vo chalana sikhna...
Maa ne proper knowledge transfer (KT) liyaa tha electric chakki kaa...
Fir vo manual haath wali raai se electric raai par aana...
Fir vo Maa ka Paidal chalne se lekar meri car mein baithne tak kaa safar...

Kai baar bohot si baton ka bohot baad mein ehsaas hota hai...
Jaise aaj mujhe lagta hai ki main Maa ko apni car mein baitha ke kahin bhi le jaa sakta tha...
Kitne bhi lambe trip pe...
Aur aisa isiliye nhi ki mere bachpaan mein Maa mujhe apne kandhe par baitha kar 10-12 kilometer doctor ke dikhane le jati thi...
Balki isiliye ki ab jab sochta hoon un dino ko jab Maa meri car mein baithi thi aur main chalata tha, tab ek sukhad ehsaas se maan bhar jata hai...

Maa ki ek aadat mujhe jo sabse pasand thi...
Vo kabhi bhi aage nahi baithi thi car mein... Hamesha piche...
Aur mujhe bhi tabhi unka driver banke car chalane mein bada maza aata tha...
Ab koi ehsaas hi nahi hota, koi car mein aage baithe yaa piche...

Mere bohot se dost jante the Maa ko...
Bohot baar rukte the mere ghar...
shayad har baar jab bhi hum kisi trip se wapas aate the, to sabhi mere ghar hi rukte the aur fir wahin se office nikal jate the...
Aur jab bhi aisa hota tha, mujhe bohot daant padti thi...
Isiliye nahi ki doston ko ghar kyun leke aaya, balki isiliye ki subha-subha unhe bina khilaye pilaye hi bhaga le gaya office...
Maa ko sabse bura lagta tha jab koi ghar se bina chai piye yaa khana khaye chala jata tha...
Mujhe hamesha daant padti thi isi baat par ki office thoda late bhi ja sakte the, par sabko nashta to kara deta..

Par ek vidambana ho gayi...
Jo bhi mere dost sabse zyada mere yahan rukte the, maine Maa ke bare mein sabko bataya... unke jaane ki khabar...
Sahanubhuti paane ke liye nahi, balke isiliye ki mujhe laga ki jo log Maa se mile yaa unhe jante the, unhe maloom hona shayad zaruri hai...
Par ab 2012 aa chuka tha, log 2008 aur 2009 se zyada busy ho chuke the...

Kisi ka phone bhi nahi aaya ye janne ke liye ki kya hua aur kaise hua...
Milne ki umeed zyada karni bhi nhi chahiye aajkaal, samay badal raha hai, log zyada bhagdad mein hain, competition badh gaya hai, paisa and post zyada chahiye...

Shayad aajkal "milne" ka matlab bhi badal gaya hai... "Milne" ka matlab ab sirf aise Dhaabe reh gaye hain, jinke side mein sharab ki dukaan ho...
Ab usi cheez ko milna kehte hain doston ka...
Aur ye upar ki panktiyaan bhi meri kisi dil ke kone mein dabi hui vo bemani icchayein ho sakti hain, jo kabhi-kabhi khali dimaag mein shaitaan ki tarha ghar kar jati hain... log to sabhi acche hote hain, koi bura nahi hota... bure humare vichaar hote hain jinke kaaran hum logon ko bhi bura bana dete hain...

In sab cheezon ke bavajood, sab acchaiyon aur buraiyon ke chalte, bas Maa nahi hai beech mein...
Aaj bhi ghar mein humne unka chulha sambhal ke rakha hai...
Bohot baajre ki roti khilayi Maa ne uss pe bana ke...

Jis din Maa gayi, us din bhi lunch mein maine unke haath ki bani hui baajre ki roti khayi thee...
Agar thoda sa bhi ehsaas hota unke jane ka, to 1 roti bacha ke rakh leta main shayad... unki yaad main...
Itni acchi thi Maa ki aankhon se aansu bhi nahi nikalne diye kabhi...

Aaj bhi nahi...
Shayad limit nahi hoti koi, agar aap kisi apne ke baare mein likhne lago to...
Par ek jagah rukna to padta hai, fir se dobara likhne ke liye...

Some dates get so much alive in your heart, that they just can't go away, no matter how many days, months and years pass by!! 18th Jan... still alive in me, my heart...

God Bless her soul!!!
RIP Maa!!!

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Care

Somethings can be never taken care of... no matter how precious they are to you/anyone...

Friday, October 7, 2011

A birth.. on a day...

I didn't have any idea what to write like last year's Blog Entry, just trying to cheat the sleep tonight...


When you are young, seldom are the chances you get surprised by yourself...
You do the things, you take it as it is... never shocked...
Like a beast on the road, careless, carefree...
With the wings, the energy push you... get very less time to think to do whatever...
The same person surprise himself looking back to the past, what I was doing that time... was it I? A young...

And I am nodding to myself sitting alone here on my wood made long back comfortable chair, with the same all day glass of water on my right side...
I am nodding to the fact and trying to accept that when I say young, I mean by the thoughts, by heart young... not physically...
You surprise yourself how the energy flow into your young heart, to do anything... little calculations...

Like Jennifer Yane said… Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened...
To be truthful, I don't remember when I celebrated my birthday except once or twice...
Or may be there is nothing inside the box to take out and write about my birthdays...
What I remember are the days...
Few days in a year which gives me a wake up calls at times and ignites my basics...





For me, still a birthday is bit bigger then people around, having party, cutting cakes and then next day... regular!!!
It’s more or less a dictionary word for me... a day commemorating the origin, founding, or beginning of something...

The origin, the founding, the beginning... If I go by this definition, which I do...I have to celebrate many birthdays and to the same fact, I unfortunately have a very bad memory...
However, to my honest part, I never forget some very of the precious days of my life which made me what I am and how I am today...

Memories...

The memories which tell you who you are and why you are being like this... good or bad, leave it apart!!!
The memories down the line shows you a true cinematic show to cherish the good time, to be sad while thinking about bad time (or rather a miss to good time)
The memories which make your mood swings in fraction of seconds...
The memories which tell a story every time to you while you are walking, working...
Memories about the people who have been along with you throughout the ups and downs of your life...
Memories which can make you think about how life has been and how it has changed in the years gone by...

When you feel alone or lonely, you always have these memories within you... like a mom who is always there for her kid to sing a song or hymns!!!

Memories, makes you sing, dance, cry, laugh, fear, hug, respect, love.. anything...

Honor the memory!!!


Try to listen the sound which fills you from inside... the sound of silence...

Hello darkness, my old friend,
I've come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence.

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone,
'Neath the halo of a street lamp,
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence.

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence.

"Fools" said I, "You do not know
Silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you,
Take my arms that I might reach you."
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed
In the wells of silence.

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning,
In the words that it was forming.
And the sign said, the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls.
And whisper'd in the sounds of silence.


I forgot... regarding birthday... a day will come when you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again...

Birthdays? yes, in a general way;
For the most if not for the best of men:
You were born (I suppose) on a certain day:
So was I: or perhaps in the night: what then?
- James Kenneth Stephen

May everybody live each day of their life... God bless!!!

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Window

Hello world...


(Oh, I am remembering my college days when we had to write a C program for this letter "Hello World", its nothing to do with "World"...)
Here, sitting on 19th floor, watching Gotham... it’s the best moment of the day... watching Gotham...

Even though I don't like it...
But it has been eventually turned my alibi to watch it...
I can tell that the window of this apartment has been very friendly with me...
At least it understand that I have to sit there and have my dinner...
Otherwise I will not even have my 3-4 hours of sleep...

Its my desk to earn and burn my calories... 
But today is very different...
For me, for this window...
I am moving out from here...
To a new place, and to be a neighbor of new strangers...

Yes, living here in this building, for 6 months, even today everybody is a stranger except two…
One is my Doorman (sorry, I don't ask the names of people, so I don't know his name) and another sort of person is Chester...
Chester has been very nice to me for a long time...
His eyes, his walk, his ears, everything is so much beautifully designed...
And he is so honest personality that even he likes me, but without the permission of his caretaker, he doesn’t allow himself to come to me and have a chat...
And most important point, I like the best in him is his moving tail...
a symbol of affection and love...
Alas, why men don't have a tail ... ;)
Just kidding... Chester is a dog living here on the top floor... 22nd...
I occasionally meet him in the elevator, on riverside, on a walk, while I think of honesty...

Anyways, I should not be writing about Chester more, as my next entry will be completely on dogs...
So again, writing all this, while sitting on my window, watching Gotham, I am thinking about the bond I share with this window...
I think materialistically at times....
I think will this window too will miss me the same way I miss it...
Or its like some other person will come and sit on it... and then it will become "adjustable" and "habitual" of that person...
Or if that window will think that now it should feel blessed for whatever it has got, and now it has a new owner and paying for it...
I mean is it really depend on if I will be out from this apartment for two months (2 odd months) and then I will come back to this window, should I be able to find the Gotham’s view as same as it is today? Or that window will be change enough to accept me as what I was and what I am...?

I know some "social" people will find me odd enough to talk about all this...
But in the end what social is actually "we" and how we make the things "social"...
So it doesn't matter... its fine...
I know people sitting out there want me to be more responsible and practical...
But responsibility and practicality has nothing to do with presenting your views...
At one point, you have to look back and think... and question and answer...
That is how it works... that is how it is...
And more funny part is, its Saturday night... Empire State of mind is colorful tonight...
Even though its a sin city, but sin has its own enjoyment...

"bin alfazon ke ye batein, bin baarish ki hain barsaatein..."

It only happens in Gotham... for few...
Its owesome view here..
I am going to miss it... for sure... 1910 has been its charm...


God bless!!

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Cricket World cup 2011

All over blue...

The power of blue is all over the world again...


Its above yellow, Green and dark blue now...

No toss is so easy...
No game is so easy...
Nothing is free here...
There is no tough way or cake walk, there is just a road you have to follow, what may come...

And that was exactly the temperament Indian team has shown in this Cricket world cup 2011...
After two early dismissals in this world cup final... and those who are legends in Indian cricket team, people lost their hope...

But the way it was handled and the way target was achieved, its unbelievable...
There can be nothing a great gift to Sachin but this... and he got it after 21 years...
It was not the winning, but the way it ended... by a sixer...

I just didn't watch the match because of a superstition...
That if I'll watch, India will loose the game...

So I was feeding the score to myself on timely basis from the internet and was not watching it...
But the heart was beating whenever I was hearing the noise from the next appartment...
People were shouting, howling and doing everything...

And the last over, I was hearing this I think on every ball... "Maar isse... uttha ke maar..."











Eyes were wet, emotions were touching the sky... and once more, the feeling of being Indian took another swing of proud...

One song which I always hear... and I learned from someone about how to feel this song...
And this song is somewhere deep inside my heart... must listen at this moment... for India!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UC-RFFIMXlA

Its none other then...

Ye jo des hai tera, swades hai tera, tujhe hai pukaaraa...
Ye woh bandhan hai jo kabhi toot nahin sakta...

Enjoy the cup...

God Bless...

Friday, February 25, 2011



Peacefully they will die, peacefully they will expire in your name, and beyond the grave they will find only death. But we will keep the secret, and for their own happiness we will entice them with a heavenly and eternal reward.

—THE GRAND INQUISITOR TO HIS "SAVIOR" in THE BROTHERS KARAMAZOV



Its tough to deal with yourself... oneself...

Friday, February 11, 2011

memory


Below lines are the part of someone else writing, I am just a messanger.







Although its a Friday night, however I am talking about a Sunday afternoon. It is a Sunday afternoon.And I sit here on my bed , listening to music , writing a blog , thinking that my mind is at peace and that I am relaxed , very relaxed . It is Sunday afterall !

All this sounds so perfect until I realize how much my mind is wandering ; fast forward to future , rewind back to the past which takes me back to this moment -where I am right now on a Sunday afternoon , writing this post for someone to read , understand and relate to and most importantly all this for myself ; perhaps to feel good and light .
We forever split our lives into parts and at different places.Each of it with it's own special moments - the books we read , the songs that we heard , the outings , the habits we had , the conversations and those rare days when life felt complete -perhaps a good score , a birthday which was happily spent - a memorable one to say , the night when you spent with your friends talking endlessly the entire night, the day when you cried after reading a certain book and felt that life is so much more ; the day when you realized that you have miles to go and you are ready to take on that challenge to change the world around you, the day when your parents felt proud of you ...

We go through each of these parts and later we always tell ourselves that someday we will go back to pick up the old memories , refresh it and relive those days spent . I always tell myself that I want to go back to my school , go back to my house someday, go back to Goa on bike with my friend , ride the bike to the long distances again I covered few years back, go to the hidden trips I had with someone...

Most of our lives we spend in thinking of old memories , packing them in our bags and keeping them with us but in actuality we go on living with more newer memories .In our quest of searching for the ultimate memory , we often tend to forget the old ones , the simplest of them all....the ones that make us what we are today...

God Bless!!!

Saturday, January 29, 2011

What is left...

A: This is really good dish
K: My mom prepared this..
A: I can say that this is the best upma I am having till now
K: Ahh!! I don't like this, even it is good..
A: K, I don't think someone can miss this food what your mom is preparing... I can say she is one of the finest cook...
K: Hmmm...
A: And I really want to learn something from her...
K: Yeah... I will invite all of you someday at home and then you can meet her...
A: That will be great...

6 months later...

AN: Hi K...
K: Hey...
AN: How are you...?
K: I am fine.. hey, why don't you come to my home today...? Let's have get together...
AN: That will be perfect K... however its too late today... can we plan it tomorrow...?
K: Okay... not a problem... but make sure you will come tomorrow...
AN: Yes, I will co-ordinate with everyone...
K: Okay... bye for now...

Some Tuesday...

K: So you people are coming for a dinner right...?
AN: Yes K, I have communicated and we are all set...
K: Perfect...

She was cooking the best of her food that evening...
She was very excited...
She was thinking that she is going to meet the people she might have heard of at times... on and off...
She forgot to mention the severe headache she was suffering through since last two days...
Anyways everybody thought that this might be normal to have common health issues at the age of 62... Like headache...
And with the course of time and excitement in meeting the people, she was just cooking...

AN Called...

AN: Hi K... we are about to reach... can you confirm your address please...?
K: Its this... and please bring some soft drink with you...
AN: Okay fine, we will take care of this...

PL: We have reached K... we are parking the car...
K: That's fine... just park it somewhere... But I don't know what happened suddenly... my mom got unconscious... she may be fine in sometime... might be just a panic attack...
PL: Ohh... don't worry, she will be fine... we are just coming inside...
K: Okay...

A: Hi K... what happened...? Why she got unconscious...?
K: I don't know man... its quite sometime she is not responding... Anyways, you enjoy your food... We, family, are taking care of it... and please I am sorry not to give you proper time..
A: Please, that is fine... a person is more important then giving us the time... you don't worry and take care of your mom..
K: Okay.. You people eat something... I will join you soon.. I hope she will become conscious soon and will be fine...
A: Don't worry at all... everything will be fine... she will be okay...
K: Thanks...

Doc: She has a brain hamerage...
K got a shock...
She was just fine...
She was preparing food...
She was excited about meeting people...
People wanted to meet her...
And now, she was in deep sleep... coma... question mark...
She can't move... she can't do anything...

K: She is gone now...
A: K, we are very sorry for your lose... just do let us know what we can do.. anything...
K: Sure... I will let you people know...
A: Please... and we are coming just now to you...
K: Okay...

It never happened when they would have got a chance to meet the person whom cooked food they had at times...
It never happened that she would have listened the last words what the near and dear ones wanted to say to her..
It was a click...
Everything changed just like that...
People were shocked more then worried…

Its been like this always...
No-one knows what is waiting for him/her next moment...
Finish everything... say everything whatever you want to say to anyone...
Show your love... show your affection...
And if you are not attached to the materialistic stuff, then don't cry at all when someone goes...
But if one is attached, the time is now to let someone know how much you love and care to someone...
There is no next moment waiting...
And if it is waiting, then it will not last forever...
Don’t take chances... by fighting... by showing their anger...
Cause when someone goes... leaves this body, they left with nothing but regret...
Why I have not done this... why I have not done that...
And if someone had done the things at the right time without waiting... if someone would have told the people what they mean to him/her, then there is no regret s/he have to face...
Atleast with the less density...
That is how we are...
In this matrix of relationships...
Emotions... love... hatred...connections... whatever...

The time is now...
No matter what you are doing...

I am still wandering between the thoughts what is it...
What one is missing, what can be missed…
Wheel of life...
What one have to enjoy... what all a person can have to enjoy... what one have to wait for...
If this is it, then why we are bothered at all...
And if we are bothered then why we are not doing anything about it...
Don't know what we are after...
Don't know what was there.. what is there... what it will be and how...
What is left... what has to be left…
Nohing...
So why we are like that if there is nothing...
The only reason I can think of is we have to be like this...
Things happen and we regret, we get sad and then we have to become normal...
And then we say... "That is how life is..."
We keep answering ourself...

I still remember the best upma I had…
May God bless the soul...

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

26 - a date

Sometimes some day can't change anything but some dates do...
We remember everything by dates and not generally by the day...
The birthday date, the death day date, the marriage date, the divorce date, the meeting date...
Date has an impact on everything which gives us happiness or sadness...
And dates can't be forgiven, at times...
A person are, but not dates...
We created it like that... not to be unforgiving...
Some dates bring us peace, happiness, good memories, good time we spend...
some dates brings us sorrow, sadness, guilt and give us the reason for remembering the intentional and unintentional sins we had committed...
Wheel of time never stops, but leaves us with the dates we lived in, we played as a participant in a particular date...
And as per Shakespeare, what is done can't be undone... and that doing or not doing, for whatsoever reasons leaves us a date in our memory...
We recall the dates and the moments we spent in that...
We recollect the memories, the people we spent our time and share the things...
We call it as a memory because it can't come back...
It already gone and fix its face within a specific date... gives us a reason to rejoice, tears...
gives us one of the sin of wrath sometimes...

Wondering when one passed away, whether the dates gone with the person or not...
Whether only the committed sins or good things done goes with the soul or nothing...
Whether a broken memory and dried tears makes any difference to the soul or it is just a physical phenomena we have to suffer with...
Weather the date of our departure just get recorded somewhere in someone's memory or it comes with the soul..

Many questions wandering with no answers... but the recording is o its pace... the date...

I have one with me...
Today's... 26-01...
I call it a black day... a sin I committed... deadly one...
With which I have to live with... and die with...
No matter what... just can't get out of my mind...
But as said earlier, intentional or unintentional... you have to live with it...

This is the date I entered in sin city... to play a role of devil's advocate...
Cause of the reason everyone have...
to grow, to earn, to live a good life... or atleast being in an idea of good life...
But I left the good life on this date...
I left everything which mattered to me a lot...
And here I am...
I left... and the same moment unknowingly I gave an Acedia... a state of listlessness, of not caring but to myself and not being concerned with one's position or condition...
And now here... sitting alone... thinking about it... I have nothing in my hands rather then the heavy expectation which has been burdened on me...

I have a date... with me...
Till my end I will have it...
As what is done, can't be undone...
Every moment you are passing, doing anything, can't be undone...

So choose carelessly... without applying your mind and by using your heart...
You want to rejoice a date with someone or you want to regret it sitting alone...

26-01... should not happen!!!
You can deal with anything but not with yourself...
You can fight with anything but not with yourself...

Watch.. the date is laughing at you... sometime...

A hangover lasts a day, but our drunken memories last a lifetime... Unknown!!!

God will not bless anyways, for 26th!!!


Saturday, January 15, 2011

Feel nothing...

No Eyes, no Ears, no Nose, no Tongue, no Body, no Mind.
No Seeing, no Hearing, no Smelling, no Tasting,
No color, sound, smell, taste, touch, phenomena.
No realm of sight, no realm of consciousness,
No Form, no Feeling, no Thought,
No Volition, no Consciousness.
No Touching, no Thinking;
No world of Sight.
No world of Consciousness;
No Ignorance and no end to Ignorance;
No Old Age and Death and no end to Old Age and Death.
No Suffering, no Craving, no Extinction, no Path;
No Wisdom, no Attainment
Not born, not destroyed,
Not stained, not pure; without loss, without gain.
So in emptiness there is no form, no sensation, conception, discrimination, awareness


No ignorance and no end to ignorance.
No old age and death and no end to old age and death.
No suffering, no cause of suffering. No extinguishing, no path,
No wisdom and no gain. No gain and thus
With no hindrance in the mind, no hindrance, therefore no fear;
Far beyond deluded thoughts, this is Nirvana



Budhha...





All night I could not sleep
because of the moonlight on my bed.
I kept on hearing a voice calling:
Out of Nowhere, Nothing answered "yes."

- Zi Ye, Collection of Chinese Folk Songs
6th-3rd century B.C.E.

Friday, October 22, 2010

सूर्य





कोई स्ट्रीट लाईट बल्ब नही है, ये स्त्रोत है हमारी परम ऊर्जा का...

सबसे प्रख्यात, प्रधान और सबसे महत्वपुर्ण स्थान रखते है सुर्य इस सॊर मण्डल मे!
सबसे बडी वस्तु और ९८% सॊर मण्डल का भार समाया है इनमे!
इनकी चक्रिका मे समाने के लिये १०९ और इनके अन्तर मे आने के लिए १० लाख पृथ्वी चहिये!



Mankind will not remain on Earth forever, but in its quest for light and space will at first timidly penetrate beyond the confines of the atmosphere, and later will conquer for itself all the space near the Sun. - Konstantin E. Tsiolkovsky

Monday, October 18, 2010

पहली कोशिश...

अभी कुछ दिनो से हिन्दी ब्लोग्स और कवितायॆ पढ्ना शुरु किया है... बहुत अच्छा लगा! अभी एक सोफ़्ट्वेयर के माध्यम से कोशिश कर रहा हू कुछ हिन्दी मॆ पोस्ट करने का, त्रुटिय़ा होगी ही, परन्तु शायद इसी तरहा त्रुटिय़ॊ के माध्यम से क्या पता कोई सम्पूर्ण और अच्छी बात निकल आये...

कोई अत्यधिक महत्वपुर्ण बात नही है अभी कहने या बताने के लिऎ, बस ऐसे ही ताना-बाना बुनने की कोशिश की है जो कुछ भी अभी चेतन-अव्चेतन मन मे चल रहा है! कुछ बाते जो कभी सोच कर दुखः प्रकट कर लेता हू, कभी किन्ही विचारो मे डूब कर अपना रास्ता भूल जाता हू! बात माने तो कुछ भी ना-पते की होते हुए पते की है, और नही है तो शायद कुछ भी नही है! फ़ैसला अपना-अपना सुरक्षित है!

सन्स्कार और संस्कृति

कल राह मे चलते-चलते ऐसे ही रेडिओ पर ये शब्द सुने! यही दो शब्द जिसमे लगता है कि सारा पारिवारिक, सामाजिक और धरा का मुल सुख चिपा हुआ है! यही दो शब्द है जिन्हे सुनते और समझते हुए इन्सान ने कितने ही रिश्तो, कितने ही नातो, और कितनी ही भवनाओ को ना जाने कितनी ही बार ताक पे रखा है और कितनी ही बार कत्ल किया है! कुछ थेकेदारो ने तो संस्कृति के नाम पे एक नया अध्याय भी शुरु किया हुआ है, जो इतना प्रचलित हुआ कि एक फ़िल्म भी बनी उसपे... "honour killing" ... उस सभ्यता और संस्कृति के नाम पे कत्ल जिसे ना तो इनमे से किसी ठेकेदार ने बनाया है, और ना ही खुद कभी परिपक्व और समझदार होके पालन ही किया है!

अब "honour killing" मे नया इज़ाफ़ा हुआ है समय के साथ-साथ, "emotional killing". ये शायद इस "honour killing" का ही एक्स्टेन्डॆड वर्ज़ेन है, परन्तु देखने मे आया है कि इसका रुप "honour killing" से भी अधिक खतरनाक ऒर विभत्स है! "honour killing" मे किसी को एक बार मार दिया जाता है, परन्तु इसके एक्स्टेन्डॆड वर्ज़ेन मे तिल-तिल कर मारने का प्रचलन है!

बात करते है कुछ इमानदारी की. कि या तो आपको किसी भी तरीके से इमानदार होने नही दिया जायेगा, और अगर हुए तो इमानदार रहने नही दिये जाने की एक अनोखी अनजानी सी पवीत्र कसम से बिना कुछ बोले जकड दिया जाएगा! बहुत छोटी सी बात को समझने के लिये जो आडम्बर और स्वान्ग रचे जाते है, कोई ही विरला उस पीडा से मेहरुम रहा हो!

"emotional killing" मे एक बात और जो सामने आती है, वो है किसी अपने प्रिये की बिमारी! टेन्श्न से माइग्रएन, वोमिट, हर्ट पेन, नीन्द ना आना, बुरे स्वपन इत्यादि का आजकल बहुत चलन है! और इन सबके उपरान्त भी अपनी बात को मनवाने के लिये खाना ना खाने का भी अत्यधिक उपयोग किया जा रहा है! मुद्दे कि बात ये कि ये पुराने तरीके इतने पुख्ता और मज़बूत है कि आज भी कामगार सिध है! ऒल्ड ईज़ गोल्ड!

अगर थोडा ध्यान से अध्यन्न किया जाये और समझने कि कोशिश ना सही, बस सोचा जाये समझने के बारे मे, तो बात इतनी कठिन भी नही है, बस रिश्तो की बुनियादे गलत पड चुकी है शायद. थोडी सी मेहनत और समझदारी से अगर काम लिया जाये, तो बात बन सकती है. परन्तु कुछ दुर्भाग्यवश काफी लोगो के लिये देर हो चुकी होती है! और उसपे सुहागा ये कि भुक्त्भोगी भी इसी बात पर यकीन करना शुरु कर देता है कि शायाद सुबहो कि किरण अभी बहुत दूर है!

खाफ़ी खानापुर्ति के बाद नतीजा मुझे तो हरिवन्श राय बच्चन जी कि एक कविता कि और ले जाता है जिसका एक छःन्द नीचे प्रस्तुत है! (आशा है कि अमिताभ जी नाराज़ नही होन्गे, उन्हे पसन्द नही है कि कोई भी ऐसे ही अपने लेख को आकर्षित बनाने के लिये हरिवन्श जी की कविताओ का प्रयोग करे! और मै भी उनसे इस बात पे पुरी सहमति रखता हू. परन्तु अपनी पहली कोशिश की शुरुआत तो मै फ़िर भी उनकी एक कविता के छ्न्द से ही करना चाहूगा)


मैं छिपाना जानता तो
जग मुझे साधु समझता,
शत्रु मेरा बन गया है
छल रहित व्यवहार मेरा




सन्स्कार और संस्कृति पे और भी बहुत कुछ है चर्चा करने के लिये, अगर शेष नही रखा, तो ज़्यादा रहेगा नही लिखने के लिए!

शुभ

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Cirumstantial and Relative

I had been finding the words to express some things I had been thinking a lot. And during my search, I figured out that somewhere we failed and been failing ourselves for being conditional and relative.

Everything has been broken, here and there and no one but we only are responsible for this. Things have been turned circumstantial, relative, confusing, complicated and conditional. Conditions in any relationship.

I have been finding a whole new world all around, since the time I have turned 'honest' or atleast, 'trying to be honest'. Nothing is free, and one have to pay for it. I have to let everything go now, for the reason of being a human. I have to pay for every relation, for being a human and have to be responsible for everything.




Inside, its nothing and a state of 'blank', unanswered questions, unresolved issues.

I am looking at the relationships, love and attachments I share with people. If you are acting and doing according to them, you are the best in all. If you are not doing and acting according to those, if you are adverse of their thoughts, you are the worst person. They forget everything you have done for them in the past and you are in the question of even close to them, if you don't agree.

I am just letting it go, no matter what had happened, what is happening and what will happen, because nothing is getting changed after all. And nothing will change. Change I have seen only in the relationships. I have seen how relationships get change when one don't get agree with them. I have seen the foundation of relationships on the basis of agreements. I have seen how people turns a person up and down on the basis of fake relationships. See the foundation of our relationships, see how strong it is.

There is some mistake we have done while understanding the facts. And there is always a time comes when you have to pay for it.

Its after spring season, I am very cold at this moment, cold from inside. I am looking at the fan on the roof, running. Its like the wheel of life, motion, everytime. I am numb, looking at it. Its not less then a miracle that I am still thinking. I am still thinking and experiencing the wheel of life. Mine being motionless is not affecting this wheel. It has to move and go on, irrespective of anything. I got uncomfortable inside this room, just walked out, but its evening. Sunset is making me more conducive...

I have to go now, its time...

God Bless!!!

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