A birth.. on a day...

I didn't have any idea what to write like last year's Blog Entry, just trying to cheat the sleep tonight...

When you are young, seldom are the chances you get surprised by yourself...

You do the things, you take it as it is... never shocked...

Like a beast on the road, careless, carefree...

With the wings, the energy push you... get very less time to think to do whatever...

The same person surprise himself looking back to the past, what I was doing that time... was it I? A young...

And I am nodding to myself sitting alone here on my wood made long back comfortable chair, with the same all day glass of water on my right side...

I am nodding to the fact and trying to accept that when I say young, I mean by the thoughts, by heart young... not physically...

You surprise yourself how the energy flow into your young heart, to do anything... little calculations...

Like Jennifer Yane said… Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened...

To be truthful, I don't remember when I celebrated my birthday except once or twice...

Or may be there is nothing inside the box to take out and write about my birthdays...

What I remember are the days...

Few days in a year which gives me a wake up calls at times and ignites my basics...

For me, still a birthday is bit bigger then people around, having party, cutting cakes and then next day... regular!!!

It’s more or less a dictionary word for me... a day commemorating the origin, founding, or beginning of something...

The origin, the founding, the beginning... If I go by this definition, which I do...I have to celebrate many birthdays and to the same fact, I unfortunately have a very bad memory...

However, to my honest part, I never forget some very of the precious days of my life which made me what I am and how I am today...

Memories...

The memories which tell you who you are and why you are being like this... good or bad, leave it apart!!!

The memories down the line shows you a true cinematic show to cherish the good time, to be sad while thinking about bad time (or rather a miss to good time)

The memories which make your mood swings in fraction of seconds...

The memories which tell a story every time to you while you are walking, working...

Memories about the people who have been along with you throughout the ups and downs of your life...

Memories which can make you think about how life has been and how it has changed in the years gone by...

When you feel alone or lonely, you always have these memories within you... like a mom who is always there for her kid to sing a song or hymns!!!

Memories, makes you sing, dance, cry, laugh, fear, hug, respect, love.. anything...

Honor the memory!!!

Try to listen the sound which fills you from inside... the sound of silence...

Hello darkness, my old friend,

I've come to talk with you again,

Because a vision softly creeping,

Left its seeds while I was sleeping,

And the vision that was planted in my brain

Still remains

Within the sound of silence.

In restless dreams I walked alone

Narrow streets of cobblestone,

'Neath the halo of a street lamp,

I turned my collar to the cold and damp

When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light

That split the night

And touched the sound of silence.

And in the naked light I saw

Ten thousand people, maybe more.

People talking without speaking,

People hearing without listening,

People writing songs that voices never share

And no one dared

Disturb the sound of silence.

"Fools" said I, "You do not know

Silence like a cancer grows.

Hear my words that I might teach you,

Take my arms that I might reach you."

But my words like silent raindrops fell,

And echoed

In the wells of silence.

And the people bowed and prayed

To the neon god they made.

And the sign flashed out its warning,

In the words that it was forming.

And the sign said, the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls

And tenement halls.

And whisper'd in the sounds of silence.

I forgot... regarding birthday... a day will come when you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again...

Birthdays? yes, in a general way;
For the most if not for the best of men:

You were born (I suppose) on a certain day:

So was I: or perhaps in the night: what then?

- James Kenneth Stephen

May everybody live each day of their life... God bless!!!

Window

Hello world...

(Oh, I am remembering my college days when we had to write a C program for this letter "Hello World", its nothing to do with "World"...)

Here, sitting on 19th floor, watching Gotham... it’s the best moment of the day... watching Gotham...

Even though I don't like it...

But it has been eventually turned my alibi to watch it...

I can tell that the window of this apartment has been very friendly with me...

At least it understand that I have to sit there and have my dinner...

Otherwise I will not even have my 3-4 hours of sleep...

Its my desk to earn and burn my calories... 

But today is very different...

For me, for this window...

I am moving out from here...

To a new place, and to be a neighbor of new strangers...

Yes, living here in this building, for 6 months, even today everybody is a stranger except two…

One is my Doorman (sorry, I don't ask the names of people, so I don't know his name) and another sort of person is Chester...

Chester has been very nice to me for a long time...

His eyes, his walk, his ears, everything is so much beautifully designed...

And he is so honest personality that even he likes me, but without the permission of his caretaker, he doesn’t allow himself to come to me and have a chat...

And most important point, I like the best in him is his moving tail...

a symbol of affection and love...

Alas, why men don't have a tail ... ;)

Just kidding... Chester is a dog living here on the top floor... 22nd...

I occasionally meet him in the elevator, on riverside, on a walk, while I think of honesty...

Anyways, I should not be writing about Chester more, as my next entry will be completely on dogs...

So again, writing all this, while sitting on my window, watching Gotham, I am thinking about the bond I share with this window...

I think materialistically at times....

I think will this window too will miss me the same way I miss it...

Or its like some other person will come and sit on it... and then it will become "adjustable" and "habitual" of that person...

Or if that window will think that now it should feel blessed for whatever it has got, and now it has a new owner and paying for it...

I mean is it really depend on if I will be out from this apartment for two months (2 odd months) and then I will come back to this window, should I be able to find the Gotham’s view as same as it is today? Or that window will be change enough to accept me as what I was and what I am...?

I know some "social" people will find me odd enough to talk about all this...

But in the end what social is actually "we" and how we make the things "social"...

So it doesn't matter... its fine...

I know people sitting out there want me to be more responsible and practical...

But responsibility and practicality has nothing to do with presenting your views...

At one point, you have to look back and think... and question and answer...

That is how it works... that is how it is...

And more funny part is, its Saturday night... Empire State of mind is colorful tonight...

Even though its a sin city, but sin has its own enjoyment...

"bin alfazon ke ye batein, bin baarish ki hain barsaatein..."

It only happens in Gotham... for few...

Its owesome view here..

I am going to miss it... for sure... 1910 has been its charm...

God bless!!

Cricket World cup 2011

All over blue...

The power of blue is all over the world again...


Its above yellow, Green and dark blue now...

No toss is so easy...
No game is so easy...
Nothing is free here...
There is no tough way or cake walk, there is just a road you have to follow, what may come...

And that was exactly the temperament Indian team has shown in this Cricket world cup 2011...
After two early dismissals in this world cup final... and those who are legends in Indian cricket team, people lost their hope...

But the way it was handled and the way target was achieved, its unbelievable...
There can be nothing a great gift to Sachin but this... and he got it after 21 years...
It was not the winning, but the way it ended... by a sixer...

I just didn't watch the match because of a superstition...
That if I'll watch, India will loose the game...

So I was feeding the score to myself on timely basis from the internet and was not watching it...
But the heart was beating whenever I was hearing the noise from the next appartment...
People were shouting, howling and doing everything...

And the last over, I was hearing this I think on every ball... "Maar isse... uttha ke maar..."

Eyes were wet, emotions were touching the sky... and once more, the feeling of being Indian took another swing of proud...

One song which I always hear... and I learned from someone about how to feel this song...
And this song is somewhere deep inside my heart... must listen at this moment... for India!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UC-RFFIMXlA

Its none other then...

Ye jo des hai tera, swades hai tera, tujhe hai pukaaraa...
Ye woh bandhan hai jo kabhi toot nahin sakta...

Enjoy the cup...

God Bless...

Peacefully they will die, peacefully they will expire in your name, and beyond the grave they will find only death. But we will keep the secret, and for their own happiness we will entice them with a heavenly and eternal reward.

—THE GRAND INQUISITOR TO HIS "SAVIOR" in THE BROTHERS KARAMAZOV

Its tough to deal with yourself... oneself...

memory

Below lines are the part of someone else writing, I am just a messanger.

Although its a Friday night, however I am talking about a Sunday afternoon. It is a Sunday afternoon.And I sit here on my bed , listening to music , writing a blog , thinking that my mind is at peace and that I am relaxed , very relaxed . It is Sunday afterall !

All this sounds so perfect until I realize how much my mind is wandering ; fast forward to future , rewind back to the past which takes me back to this moment -where I am right now on a Sunday afternoon , writing this post for someone to read , understand and relate to and most importantly all this for myself ; perhaps to feel good and light .

We forever split our lives into parts and at different places.Each of it with it's own special moments - the books we read , the songs that we heard , the outings , the habits we had , the conversations and those rare days when life felt complete -perhaps a good score , a birthday which was happily spent - a memorable one to say , the night when you spent with your friends talking endlessly the entire night, the day when you cried after reading a certain book and felt that life is so much more ; the day when you realized that you have miles to go and you are ready to take on that challenge to change the world around you, the day when your parents felt proud of you ...

We go through each of these parts and later we always tell ourselves that someday we will go back to pick up the old memories , refresh it and relive those days spent . I always tell myself that I want to go back to my school , go back to my house someday, go back to Goa on bike with my friend , ride the bike to the long distances again I covered few years back, go to the hidden trips I had with someone...

Most of our lives we spend in thinking of old memories , packing them in our bags and keeping them with us but in actuality we go on living with more newer memories .In our quest of searching for the ultimate memory , we often tend to forget the old ones , the simplest of them all....the ones that make us what we are today...

God Bless!!!

What is left...

A: This is really good dish
K: My mom prepared this..
A: I can say that this is the best upma I am having till now
K: Ahh!! I don't like this, even it is good..
A: K, I don't think someone can miss this food what your mom is preparing... I can say she is one of the finest cook...
K: Hmmm...
A: And I really want to learn something from her...
K: Yeah... I will invite all of you someday at home and then you can meet her...
A: That will be great...

6 months later...

AN: Hi K...
K: Hey...
AN: How are you...?
K: I am fine.. hey, why don't you come to my home today...? Let's have get together...
AN: That will be perfect K... however its too late today... can we plan it tomorrow...?
K: Okay... not a problem... but make sure you will come tomorrow...
AN: Yes, I will co-ordinate with everyone...
K: Okay... bye for now...

Some Tuesday...

K: So you people are coming for a dinner right...?
AN: Yes K, I have communicated and we are all set...
K: Perfect...

She was cooking the best of her food that evening...
She was very excited...
She was thinking that she is going to meet the people she might have heard of at times... on and off...
She forgot to mention the severe headache she was suffering through since last two days...
Anyways everybody thought that this might be normal to have common health issues at the age of 62... Like headache...
And with the course of time and excitement in meeting the people, she was just cooking...

AN Called...

AN: Hi K... we are about to reach... can you confirm your address please...?
K: Its this... and please bring some soft drink with you...
AN: Okay fine, we will take care of this...

PL: We have reached K... we are parking the car...
K: That's fine... just park it somewhere... But I don't know what happened suddenly... my mom got unconscious... she may be fine in sometime... might be just a panic attack...
PL: Ohh... don't worry, she will be fine... we are just coming inside...
K: Okay...

A: Hi K... what happened...? Why she got unconscious...?
K: I don't know man... its quite sometime she is not responding... Anyways, you enjoy your food... We, family, are taking care of it... and please I am sorry not to give you proper time..
A: Please, that is fine... a person is more important then giving us the time... you don't worry and take care of your mom..
K: Okay.. You people eat something... I will join you soon.. I hope she will become conscious soon and will be fine...
A: Don't worry at all... everything will be fine... she will be okay...
K: Thanks...

Doc: She has a brain hamerage...
K got a shock...
She was just fine...
She was preparing food...
She was excited about meeting people...
People wanted to meet her...
And now, she was in deep sleep... coma... question mark...
She can't move... she can't do anything...

K: She is gone now...
A: K, we are very sorry for your lose... just do let us know what we can do.. anything...
K: Sure... I will let you people know...
A: Please... and we are coming just now to you...
K: Okay...

It never happened when they would have got a chance to meet the person whom cooked food they had at times...
It never happened that she would have listened the last words what the near and dear ones wanted to say to her..
It was a click...
Everything changed just like that...
People were shocked more then worried…

Its been like this always...
No-one knows what is waiting for him/her next moment...
Finish everything... say everything whatever you want to say to anyone...
Show your love... show your affection...
And if you are not attached to the materialistic stuff, then don't cry at all when someone goes...
But if one is attached, the time is now to let someone know how much you love and care to someone...
There is no next moment waiting...
And if it is waiting, then it will not last forever...
Don’t take chances... by fighting... by showing their anger...
Cause when someone goes... leaves this body, they left with nothing but regret...
Why I have not done this... why I have not done that...
And if someone had done the things at the right time without waiting... if someone would have told the people what they mean to him/her, then there is no regret s/he have to face...
Atleast with the less density...
That is how we are...
In this matrix of relationships...
Emotions... love... hatred...connections... whatever...

The time is now...
No matter what you are doing...

I am still wandering between the thoughts what is it...
What one is missing, what can be missed…
Wheel of life...
What one have to enjoy... what all a person can have to enjoy... what one have to wait for...
If this is it, then why we are bothered at all...
And if we are bothered then why we are not doing anything about it...
Don't know what we are after...
Don't know what was there.. what is there... what it will be and how...
What is left... what has to be left…
Nohing...
So why we are like that if there is nothing...
The only reason I can think of is we have to be like this...
Things happen and we regret, we get sad and then we have to become normal...
And then we say... "That is how life is..."
We keep answering ourself...

I still remember the best upma I had…
May God bless the soul...

26 - a date

Sometimes some day can't change anything but some dates do...

We remember everything by dates and not generally by the day...

The birthday date, the death day date, the marriage date, the divorce date, the meeting date...

Date has an impact on everything which gives us happiness or sadness...

And dates can't be forgiven, at times...

A person are, but not dates...

We created it like that... not to be unforgiving...

Some dates bring us peace, happiness, good memories, good time we spend...

some dates brings us sorrow, sadness, guilt and give us the reason for remembering the intentional and unintentional sins we had committed...

Wheel of time never stops, but leaves us with the dates we lived in, we played as a participant in a particular date...

And as per Shakespeare, what is done can't be undone... and that doing or not doing, for whatsoever reasons leaves us a date in our memory...

We recall the dates and the moments we spent in that...

We recollect the memories, the people we spent our time and share the things...

We call it as a memory because it can't come back...

It already gone and fix its face within a specific date... gives us a reason to rejoice, tears...

gives us one of the sin of wrath sometimes...

Wondering when one passed away, whether the dates gone with the person or not...

Whether only the committed sins or good things done goes with the soul or nothing...

Whether a broken memory and dried tears makes any difference to the soul or it is just a physical phenomena we have to suffer with...

Weather the date of our departure just get recorded somewhere in someone's memory or it comes with the soul..

Many questions wandering with no answers... but the recording is o its pace... the date...

I have one with me...

Today's... 26-01...

I call it a black day... a sin I committed... deadly one...

With which I have to live with... and die with...

No matter what... just can't get out of my mind...

But as said earlier, intentional or unintentional... you have to live with it...

This is the date I entered in sin city... to play a role of devil's advocate...

Cause of the reason everyone have...

to grow, to earn, to live a good life... or atleast being in an idea of good life...

But I left the good life on this date...

I left everything which mattered to me a lot...

And here I am...

I left... and the same moment unknowingly I gave an Acedia... a state of listlessness, of not caring but to myself and not being concerned with one's position or condition...

And now here... sitting alone... thinking about it... I have nothing in my hands rather then the heavy expectation which has been burdened on me...

I have a date... with me...

Till my end I will have it...

As what is done, can't be undone...

Every moment you are passing, doing anything, can't be undone...

So choose carelessly... without applying your mind and by using your heart...

You want to rejoice a date with someone or you want to regret it sitting alone...

26-01... should not happen!!!
You can deal with anything but not with yourself...

You can fight with anything but not with yourself...

Watch.. the date is laughing at you... sometime...

A hangover lasts a day, but our drunken memories last a lifetime... Unknown!!!

God will not bless anyways, for 26th!!!

Just like that...

Feel nothing...

No Eyes, no Ears, no Nose, no Tongue, no Body, no Mind.
No Seeing, no Hearing, no Smelling, no Tasting,
No color, sound, smell, taste, touch, phenomena.
No realm of sight, no realm of consciousness,
No Form, no Feeling, no Thought,
No Volition, no Consciousness.
No Touching, no Thinking;
No world of Sight.
No world of Consciousness;
No Ignorance and no end to Ignorance;
No Old Age and Death and no end to Old Age and Death.
No Suffering, no Craving, no Extinction, no Path;
No Wisdom, no Attainment
Not born, not destroyed,
Not stained, not pure; without loss, without gain.
So in emptiness there is no form, no sensation, conception, discrimination, awareness


No ignorance and no end to ignorance.
No old age and death and no end to old age and death.
No suffering, no cause of suffering. No extinguishing, no path,
No wisdom and no gain. No gain and thus
With no hindrance in the mind, no hindrance, therefore no fear;
Far beyond deluded thoughts, this is Nirvana



Budhha...





All night I could not sleep
because of the moonlight on my bed.
I kept on hearing a voice calling:
Out of Nowhere, Nothing answered "yes."

- Zi Ye, Collection of Chinese Folk Songs
6th-3rd century B.C.E.