Tuesday, March 30, 2010

A talk with a beggar

hey listen...
Yes...
Do you have a cigarette in spare?
Yes sure... have it...
Thanks a lot bro... do you have lights?
Yes sure... why not...
***Lighting up the cigarette...***
May God bless you man...
Not a problem bro... he replied...
Thanks man... Very few people are like you now a days...
Really? What's the deal? I just given you a cigarette... that's it... It's not more important than a human being... is it?
Oh man... You are really a gem... I never met a person who not only said this, but I can see, you can understand and mean it as well...


Ohh com'on... there are lot of people you can find like me... its just a matter what you ask from whom... he replied...
No... please don't tell me his... how you can say that? the beggar replied...
Yes man... there are lots of people who understand the relationship between a human being to a human being...he replied...



He also wanted someone to talk to someone... since months he talked to anyone about life... it was work and a girl only who was running into his nerves all the time... he wanted to get rid of it... he wanted to be distracted... detached...


He continued... it is just a matter of what one like and what not... I mean its just a matter of one's personal choice on what grounds one want to help someone... Someone like smoking, some people don't... some like pets, some don't...


I don't agree... he got a reply... thats what he wanted... a reply... someone to talk to him on the things what he wanted to talk about...


The beggar continued...
I don't agree because help means help... you need not to help someone on the basis of what you like or what you don't... help means help... it can be anything... if I asked for a cigarette and if you also smoke, its fine for you to offer me a cigarette, but if you don't smoke and if I know that, I would have asked you for some money which eventually I would have been spending to buy some cigrett... so you are the one who got me wrong...


Yes man, you are right... help now means what one like and not what the other person want... its not your need but the other's choice... which is wrong...


Many things are wrong buddy... wrong is to be with some one else if you don't want to be... the begger whispered in his ears...

Holy shit... what the topic this beggar brought in here... he wanted to make a move but he didn't... something stopped him there right at the moment...

Hey... what happened...? You lost somewhere... the beggar asked...

No... I am already lost... I can't be lost anymore than this... he replied... The thing is... People always find there way around to get out of any situation... to get distracted... to feel detached... but when they move back and think of what they have committed, they only left with regret... or may be not... may be they turned too busy and just smile on the past... or after they realize their mistake, they turned like a fake happy-go-luck person who get no-one to share that fake hapiness... and whenever they get a chance to sit alone and think about it... they always feel about that single moment when they committed that mistake... they always live their life with the same pain hidden inside them which a tree feels whenever his branches cutting down... people enjoy the moments whenever they turn busy... they put comments on life "I am content... I am enjoying whatever I got..."... but there is always a joke lives within inside them which life has made on them... People are talking about enjoying the moments... forget the past and live in the present... I say... we always live in our past... because that's what we lived... that's what you call a part of our's... and if something is a part of our's, how we can cut it down at any point? You are making love to someone who don't meant it... you are making noises like you are enjoying it while doing it... you are kissing someone knowing that it doesn't belong to that person... how you can do it...?


It was hard for him to stand so long... it was the whisky running on over his mind... and someone's picture which was making him tough to stand at all... He was about to slip on the road but luckiley the beggar hold him and made him sit on the bench...


The beggar's turn...

You know man... I was one of the most richest person in my society... the day I realized that all this didn't meant to me... whatever I was owing.. the house, the money, the lavish lifestyle, more than 10 cars... I left all that... That was the moment of my lifetime... I left everything which was not giving me a feeling of mine... ownself... I donate everything and turned like this... living a life on other's mercy... and I don't regret it... I don't regret a bit of it... because I know, whatever I thought was mine, it created a fake identity of myself around people... I realized that people are not actually liking me because of "me", but they were prone to what I got, money... I left everything...

He continued...

I thought about everything before I committed this... before I turned like asking for a cigarette from someone... and I was not able to do anything about it before I realized it... I was attached to nothing... Thinking is objective, and detached. Feeling is subjective, and attached... attached to yourself... I tried first to distract myself, but that didn't helped... then I found that the lack of interest in the object of attention will not work... I have to be detached... not distract... distraction will give you the momentary relief... detached is something gonna work for lifetime...
He asked ... So you are saying get detached whom you wanted to be... even you loved?

Beggar...

No... if you will feel detached to those at any point of time, then you didn't loved them anytime... What I meant is to accept and respect their decision... and believe me... they will realize and will regret at each second of their life... even if they show they are too "busy" making love to someone else... even they think they are "saint to handle that" because of all the excuses which made them to took that decision... may be they can justify themselves, but if you are right at your place, nothing can change this... and they will and live with the regret only... showing off to the world can't work with ownself... trust this...

By the time these talks were going on, the cigrett packet was over... he had to get up and buy a new packet... after all... this is what he wanted... to talk... to understand how it feels to be detached... how it has to happen... how to invoke it in his blood... he wanted to get over something which was killing him from inside... he almost ran to a nearby shop and purchased a cigarette packet...

So you are saying that being detached and being more involved are kind of same situation...? He asked...

By this time, the unlimited whisky he had before coming out of his room was making a huge noise in his head... picture of being with someone in the past took all his attention... but he was alive enough to listen to the beggar...

The beggar replied...

My son, being detached is more to do with someone else, being more involved is to do with yourself... If at any point of time, you are feeling detached, it means that thing or person was never a part of your's... it was not him/her running inside you... if you are feeling that way, then what is the logic at all to think about those...? It means you are hurting yourself for nothing... If the people who really matter for you, those would have not let you get in this situation...

Ohh com'on... sometimes situation may bound you to take some decision which you never want to take... which you want to avoid at any cost but in the end you have to take... he tried to justify "someone" to that beggar...

By the time begger started giving him reply on this, he was slept there on the bench... his eyes were closed, his legs were folded onto that small bench where only two people can sit... the beggar took his head on his lap, the beggar took his overcoat and put that on him so that he should not have caught up with the cold... the beggar was singing one of his favorite song... "buy me a rose... call me from work..." which made him to got into a deep sleep after a long time... after ages... the deep sleep without any nightmares...


Beggar's reply...


When he woke up from the bench, there were two notes from the beggar, written on a dirty paper with the ashes of winded up cigarettes... one was a quote... one was a poem...








"To be alone in the only real revolution. To accept that you are alone is the greatest transformation that can happen to you. I realized sometimes later in my life that I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending their lives doing things they detest, to make money they don't want, to buy things they don't need, to impress people they dislike and to get married to someone by calling it as a "situation" which I never wanted... but I had to enjoy it because of my own quotations and excuses I created for myself... and when I realized all this... I quit!!!"

"My own way…
No where to move
No road so smooth
But I know my destination
And I have to move on
No matter what
Life brings about
It’s my crust that keeps me alive
All alone but no fear
May be somewhere I find you around
Its getting dark
And im still on my way
Shameless creatures
That’s all I can see now..."

He woke up from the bench with a heavy headache... tried to figured out some disprine in his pocket which he didn't got... but the words he got from the rich beggar were more then heavy from his headache... He carried away that with himself... something he mummer within himself for someone... "Its a shame idea to live life for someone else you damn... because in the end... what matters is... what life you wanted to life and how you wanted to live... and now see yourself what you got because of your's "unwanted", so called situations... Nothing you are going to take with yourself... its just you and your regrets... look at you!!! But still... I am not angry... because you are a part of me... enjoy... the more and the most you can... make love... make noises... as the beggar said... feel detached... its your destiny... it's someone's alibi... that's what I am doing for you..."


The beggar reminds him... "some spaces are as important as fillings... some detachments are more important than the attachments... its a part of you... you can't live without it... you can't get rid of it... its you, yourself... in the end... standing alone... get nothing... like a beggar, but not rich..."

He again started looking for the cigarette shop... nothing was opened by that time... he has to wait...

God Bless...

Friday, March 26, 2010

Broken In All the Right Places

Why people pretend to like all the way how you are and then don't like you at all? I mean why not at the first place they say it loud and clear that I don't like you at all boss? By heart I know the people who don't want to see my face... they don't like it... my face, my looks... its horrible for them, to see, to digest what I am...


Yesterday I heard something about myself while crossing the corridor... "This guy got a lot of attitude problems"... Who told those people to come and talk to me...? And why the hell someone wrote that fancy quote "Attitude is everything...". I mean just a break please, at first place you have to talk to me, at second point, you don't wanna see my face... Where is that pill to become a hollow-man? "I don't care will not work boss...", then what will work with you man? If you gotta problem, you need to solve it, not me... I am not commenting and judging someone... then why this favor of judgement has to be passed upon me? I am like this because you are looking at me like that... simple.


There are people who are not saying anything about me, even they know me or they don't know me... its fair... pretty clear... The people whom I should care and talk about are gone... I give a damn to others... Why then others are not giving damn to me? Why only talks and that also not in front?





Why so angry, you young man... he asked...
I replied, its not me, its the other side of me...
Why this other side of yours, it is you for certain... he again tried to confuse me...
I had take a roll...because situations made me to that sir... I again replied...

Oh... again, that bloody shit you are talking.. every second person talk about the tragedies they had or are going through...
So I am not everyone sir... I got my own problems... why you are and who you are to talk to me about all this...?

Hey... look into my eyes... he said...
I didn't looked up...
Okay, you can't look at me, you don't want to see me the same way people don't want to see you?
Man... leave me alone... I care a shit about people...
That's what I am telling you to do... why you are bothered if you don't care about people?
I don't know... I have to... I don't know why it is.. but that's the way how it is...

Door bangs...

Hello sir... I am security person... your neighbor who is a guest just in your adjacent room called the reception...
They complaint about the loud voices, the TV noise... they are not able to sleep...
I request you to please talk a little slow... its 2:30 AM... people are sleeping sir...
Hey, I am paying here... I am not here because I beg and got some place to live... I replied...
I understand sir... but the same way other people are also like you... they took the service of the hotel not for free...

Can I talk to the other person who is with you in the room? I think you are not well sir...
Other person? Who other person? I am alone in this room...
You are alone? Then from where those loud voices are coming...? Sir, please call the other person...
Are you mad? I live here... I know who is inside with me and there is no-one... Mr. security guard...
Okay sir... I understand... all I want you to do is please have some patience... get some rest...
Okay.. I will try...And hey, security... listen.. I am sorry for my rudeness...
No problem sir... I understand... I just want to say that I am doing my job sir... hope you will be fine... goodnight...
I am fine... what do you mean hope I will be fine...?
Goodnight sir...
Okay... Goodnight

What the mess...

So you came back haan... got enough from the security guard?
Hey man.. just go... leave me alone... and were we really talking so loud?
You talk loud when you know you can't do anything... you try to realse something which you can't hold... you not even can't look at me...
You are scary... my face... I can't look at you...
So that's all the other people are saying... you are saying on my face... people are saying this at your back... how does it matter...? The same way the guard told you... he is doing his job... all the same... people are doing their own job... you are doing your own job... everyone is assigned... why you should care...?

Yes, I looked at the mirror... you are right... I/we/nobody should not care... that's the way it was designed actually... we manipulated it... we made it the other way...

Standing on the other side of the wall...
I see your face and that was all...

Blue moon, you saw me standing alone
Without a dream in my heart, without a love of my own
Blue moon, you knew just what I was there for
You heard me saying a prayer for someone
I really could care for

Goodbye... I said...

God Bless...

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